# Comedy Doctor — Chapter 20: No Advice / Keys Here

id: comedy_doctor | owner: claude | chapter: 20 | register commitment: warm, precise, lightly comic (READING_GUIDE §2); chapter card dials "June plain, less jokey, precise about money and materials"; Emily-Henry-at-60%-banter ceiling; Morisaki-quiet floor.

Stance: skeptical inventory, no praise. Every attempted comic item is listed, including the two that fail.

## INVENTORY

1 — "Twenty-six hours, give or take the walk from the sink to the table." (L3) — mechanism: mock-precision (deadline measured in apartment geography) — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (receipt under the mineral-spirits jar, this kitchen's geography) — dramatic work: shows the deadline has annexed the apartment; opens June's arithmetic self-defense — workshopped: no
2 — "It was the one object in the apartment that didn't require a decision. Restful to look at." (L5) — mechanism: understatement/deflation — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (Mara's blue dish, the Ch18-planted tether, glaze flaw and all) — dramatic work: names decision fatigue without naming it; sets up the dish reversal at L37 — workshopped: no
3 — "It was still good. That was the entire problem with the left page." (L11) — mechanism: paradox-compression — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (notebook-literal "left page") — dramatic work: states the chapter's dilemma — the offer's goodness is the difficulty — and guards Tasker's value against cheapening — workshopped: no
4 — "The math didn't need her to do it again." (L15) — mechanism: agency-reversal personification — source: narrator-overlay (free-indirect drifting into a flourish June isn't generating) — funniness: 1 — portable: yes (the "the numbers don't care" family, at home in any book with a spreadsheet) — dramatic work: marks the arithmetic as settled so the real choice can be non-arithmetic — workshopped: no — **BLOCKING (funniness 1, portable)**
5 — "Mara wants her dish back before Luis refills it." (L19) — mechanism: pretext comedy, domestic micro-stakes — source: situation (a welfare check dressed as an errand; both parties know) — funniness: 2 — portable: no (Mara/Luis/blue dish are book inventory) — dramatic work: launches the care-without-advice visit using the Ch18 dish tether as a practical object, exactly as the tracker ordered — workshopped: no
6 — "Two minutes is right," June said. "There's coffee. There hasn't been milk since Sunday." (L29) — mechanism: deadpan disclosure (hospitality offered with the depletion left in) — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no ("since Sunday" is rupture-clock information) — dramatic work: renders rupture-era depletion in one line of hosting instead of an interiority weather report — workshopped: no
7 — "Actually, no. Tell Mara I'm bringing the dish myself Tuesday. Tell her I'll sit where she tells me." (L37) — mechanism: on-page reversal plus pre-emptive surrender to Mara's hosting — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (Mara's seat-assigning is established cohort texture) — dramatic work: converts the dish from a severance-return into a promise to appear; June re-enters the cohort on her own initiative — workshopped: no
8 — "She'll like that better than the dish," Sam said. (L39) — mechanism: deadpan truth (the pretext acknowledged without being forced open) — source: character (Sam names the avoided thing gently, per card) — funniness: 2 — portable: no — dramatic work: confirms the errand was a welfare check while letting June keep her cover — workshopped: no
9 — "We have a car," Ruth said. / "And a hand truck if you need it." (L51–53) — mechanism: comic non-answer (logistics offered in the exact slot where opinion was forbidden) — source: character + situation (June has just said "I'm not asking for an opinion. I want to be clear that I'm not asking.") — funniness: 2 — portable: no (only works inside this chapter's no-advice contract) — dramatic work: performs the chapter card's care-without-advice engine in eight words; Ruth's restraint and Sam's practicality each get their signature — workshopped: no
10 — "Noted," June said. "Both of you--thank you. For the box." (L55) — mechanism: misdirected gratitude / category precision (thanks confined to the one authorized favor) — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no — dramatic work: June accepts help without surrendering the conclusion — the card's reactive-scene decision, done as a joke shape rather than a statement — workshopped: no
11 — "Talk fast, I'm holding a door with my whole body." (L65; and hanging up before June's "Okay" is finished, L91) — mechanism: situational deadpan plus clipped timing — source: character (load-in world rendered live: gate boom, pallet jack, shouted name) — funniness: 2 — portable: no — checked, because the line's shape (harried person on phone) is stock: the freight-gate specifics on either side of it and Asha's card (counts hours, one eye on load-in timing) tether it — dramatic work: prices Asha's time so her later yes is a professional's yes, not a rescue — workshopped: no
12 — "Who writes that?" Asha said. "Nia Torres, apparently." (L73) — mechanism: self-answered question — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (the studio clause is this book's plot object) — dramatic work: independent validation of the clause; raises the price of June's no from a neutral source — workshopped: no
13 — "She checks a level after her eye says yes." (L73) — mechanism: epigram (eye/level antithesis, personified eye) — source: claimed character, reads authored — funniness: 2 — portable: yes (would certify any rigorous curator in any art novel; nothing but the name tethers it) — dramatic work: certifies Nia's seriousness — workshopped: yes (symmetrical clause balance, composed-for-quotation; Asha's card says shorthand and no mystique, and the surrounding lines — "I've seen her hang at the co-op. She's serious." — are her actual register) — **BLOCKING (portable, workshopped)**
14 — "Wear the coat inside until February." (L85) → "FEB = coat." (L93) — mechanism: setup/payoff; the blank equation from L13 ("FEB = . ... there was nothing to put there") completed — source: character + situation — funniness: 2 — portable: no (the notebook spread is the chapter's spine) — dramatic work: answers the February hole with a hardship instruction, not a comfort — the joke names the cost instead of softening it, and keeps the New York path unglamorous — workshopped: no
15 — "Walk me through it, because I ran the math with you three weeks ago and I win the math." (L111) — mechanism: competitive frankness with echo syntax — source: character (Nia's card: names money without shame, old-peer candor) — funniness: 2 — portable: no (the three-weeks-ago call is Ch15 on the page) — dramatic work: forces June to state the counter out loud, which the scene needs; keeps the rejection professional — workshopped: no, but at the ceiling: the "the math ... the math" parallel is one notch from composed; it survives because it is speakable at Nia's speed and does plot work. Do not give Nia a second constructed line in her next appearance.
16 — "That's a worse offer," Nia said. / "It is," June said. (L131–133) — mechanism: instant agreement against self-interest — source: character + situation — funniness: 2 — portable: no — checked against the flagged-lines list: the exchange only means anything after the itemized counter June has just read off the right page; as text it is plain speech, no punchline syntax; it is the beat that keeps the Tasker loss unsoftened at the exact moment wit would sweeten it — dramatic work: as stated — workshopped: no
17 — "If the program ever needs freelance install, I itemize and I'm fast." (L133) — mechanism: deadpan self-listing (invoice virtues as a farewell) — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (feeds item 19's invoice logic) — dramatic work: converts the no into a working relationship instead of an apology — workshopped: no
18 — "You know what I'm going to ask next." / "Send you someone good. I did the asking already, yesterday, with her permission." (L135–137) — mechanism: shared-script anticipation — source: character (relationship: June has internalized Nia's known move) — funniness: 2 — portable: no — dramatic work: delivers the Asha recommendation with June a step ahead, dignity intact on both ends — workshopped: no
19 — "I know her invoices," Nia said. "She itemizes. That's already more than most references." (L139) — mechanism: incongruous credential (invoice hygiene as a character reference) — source: character (Nia's infrastructure worldview) — funniness: 2 — portable: no (pays off item 17 and Asha's card tic) — dramatic work: seals the referral inside the book's material value system rather than a sentimental one — workshopped: no
20 — "Good. Have her email before one. I have payroll at eleven." (L143) — mechanism: bathos (warmth — "come see it" — immediately re-encased in scheduling) — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no — dramatic work: blocks a sentimental close to the rejection call; the loss line that follows ("The clean answer was gone.") lands on bare ground — workshopped: no
21 — a thumbs up, and eleven seconds later, "ok now the boring parts." (L151) — mechanism: timed bathos — source: character (first on-page use of her card's "boring parts" phrase) — funniness: 2 — portable: no — dramatic work: Asha treats a career break as paperwork; refuses June any feel-less-bad payoff, consistent with her L77 warning — workshopped: no
22 — "She had no printer. Paragraph 14 allowed email; she checked. She sent it." (L157) — mechanism: deadpan procedure (scrupulousness as the comedy) — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (the lease's January 31 death is plot) — dramatic work: the chapter's most irreversible act — the notice letter — done without drama, in June's arithmetic register — workshopped: no
23 — "one nail, level enough" (L165) — mechanism: callback-with-variation (Nia checks a level after her eye says yes; June, hanging her own study on her own wall, doesn't) — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no — dramatic work: professional standard deliberately relaxed for her own work in her own home; the chapter's self-permission thesis carried by two words — workshopped: no. Dependency: this callback's anchor is item 13; the item-13 fix must preserve a level mention or this beat loses its setup.

## Running-gag / tracker checks (output/tics.md, Ch16–Ch19 rows)

- **Chair-count comedy (spent, Ch16):** Sam moves the door-blocking chair six inches (L39) — functional space-care, no count-shaped joke. Compliant.
- **Ruth editorial-sharp cap (1 per appearance):** zero editorial metaphors this chapter; her comedy is entirely logistical ("We have a car," "We came for the dish"). Under cap; her one weighted line (L43, "Some of it was easier for me") is confession, not wit. Compliant.
- **Blue-dish tether (Ch18: practical object, not another severance-return):** June starts to make it a severance-return ("The box is the errand. The dish is separate.") and reverses on the page (item 7). Compliant — the reversal dramatizes the rule.
- **Stool/jar (Ch19: no extra jar symbolism):** mineral-spirits jar and water jar used as literal paperweights; the L159 card-for-receipt swap is filing, not symbol, and is not played for comedy. Pass.
- **Ledger/fiscal narration (Ch18: zero figure-narration):** money stays literal notebook arithmetic throughout; the one drift is item 4, ordered below.
- **"the way" recognitional cap (1/chapter from Ch11):** one instance, "the way she'd look at a ground" (L101) — craft-literal, not comic. At cap; Ch21 adds none.
- **Refusal-to-conclude family (rested):** "She left the word without an underline" (L13) is a literal notation act, not a "left it there" closure. Ruled transformed; the family stays rested.
- **Watch, new:** "Noted" appears twice (June L55, Nia L135). The mirroring of two brisk professionals reads deliberate; a third instance in Ch21–22 would harden it into a tic.
- **Watch, new:** Asha's "boring parts" is her voice-card phrase making its first appearance; do not build a running gag on it.

## Special Ch20 flagged-line checks

- **"worse offer"** — present (L131). Audited as item 16; cleared: plain speech, situation-bound, keeps the loss sharp.
- **"coat"** — present (L85, L93). Audited as item 14; cleared: the payoff fills the February blank with a cost, not a comfort.
- **"printer thing"** — the phrase does not occur. Printer appears twice: office-noise pause texture during Nia's silence (L111) — not comedy, and a legal replacement for a banned "a beat"; and the no-printer/Paragraph-14 sequence (L157) — audited as item 22, cleared.
- **"go get your clause"** — absent. Nearest neighbor: "Say the studio clause again" (L69), which is a desire beat, not a quip. Pass.
- **"listing of my dreams"** — absent. Nearest listing-adjacent material: Dana's photo, "The front room was worse than described: bare bulb, paint-scabbed floor" (L155) — literal inventory, no real-estate-irony quip attached, and "June looked at the light longest" keeps it optical. Pass.

## Distribution checks

- **Density:** ~23 small-bore items across ~3,300 words, all dry, none scene-stealing. The card dials this chapter "less jokey"; the density honors that while keeping the register's floor. Not DRY, not THIN.
- **Mechanism variety:** dry-deadpan/deflection family carries 9 of 23 (items 6, 8, 9, 10, 11, 16, 17, 19, 22); setup-payoff/callback 3 (14, 18, 23); bathos/timing 3 (11, 20, 21); reversal 2 (7, 10); precision/paradox 3 (1, 3, 22); pretext 2 (5, 8); epigram 1 (13). Deadpan is dominant at ~40%, but it is generated by five distinct speakers with five distinct moves (June's category precision, Ruth's non-answer restraint, Sam's escalation-by-practicality, Asha's clipped load-in timing, Nia's competitive frankness) and the guide's register is dry-over-quippy. Not MONOTONOUS. One watch: the Nia call runs six consecutive dry items (15–20); Ch22's diner scene should not be another wall-to-wall dry dialogue.
- **Sweetness:** the strongest counter-candidates for OVERSWEETENED were examined. (a) "FEB = coat" — defended: it answers the blank with a hardship instruction; February stays unfunded on the page. (b) The payroll bathos (item 20) — defended: it prevents sentiment but does not cancel the loss; "The clean answer was gone" follows unaccompanied. (c) "We came for the dish" (L47) after Ruth's confession — defended: Ruth curtails herself, and "Some of it was easier for me" stands unabsolved; no one jokes the confession away. The Tasker loss is nowhere laughed off — June defends the offer's quality inside the rejection call (item 3's logic spoken aloud at L113). Not OVERSWEETENED.
- **Cringe:** closest candidate is item 11's stock shape (harried-person-on-phone); it survives on freight-world grounding. No sitcom rhythm, no banter-for-banter — every dialogue joke is also an offer, a refusal, or a price. Not CRINGE.
- **Source distribution:** character 17, character+situation 5, narrator-overlay 1 (item 4). The overlay count is where it should be; the one instance is ordered out below.
- **Out-of-lane flag (not comic, not inventoried):** "stepping back from paintings as if distance might fix a drawing problem, when the problem was in the drawing" (L15) is maxim-shaped interiority; Ch12's standing order keeps craft notation non-maxim-shaped. Referred to Plain Translation.

## VERDICT

**CLEAR** — the comedy lands in register: 21 of 23 items score funniness-2, sources are overwhelmingly character/situation, mechanisms are varied across five speakers, and the humor consistently does contract work (care-without-advice, cost-naming, professional dignity) instead of decorating.

Strongest surviving item: item 9 — June: "I'm not asking for an opinion. I want to be clear that I'm not asking." / Ruth: "We have a car." / Sam: "And a hand truck if you need it." — the chapter's entire care-without-advice engine executed as a comic non-answer, with both speakers' cards audible and not one wit-word spent.

Weakest surviving item: item 21 — "ok now the boring parts." — lands, but only just; it is texture riding on the eleven-second timing, and it would not survive being any longer.

Two blocking findings stand (items 4 and 13). Per the blocking rule, the chapter is not committable until the revision orders below are executed.

## REVISION ORDERS

**RO-1 (item 13, blocking: portable + workshopped).** "She checks a level after her eye says yes." (L73) is an authored epigram in the mouth of the one character whose card bans mystique — symmetrical antithesis, personified eye, composed for quotation, and detachable to any art novel. De-workshop into Asha's work shorthand, preserving both the information (Nia's rigor) and a literal *level* mention, which anchors June's "level enough" callback at L165. Direction: replace with plain observed behavior in her clipped register, e.g. "I've seen her hang at the co-op. She'll eyeball a run and then put a level on it anyway. She's serious." Do not balance the clauses; do not personify the eye.

**RO-2 (item 4, blocking: funniness-1 + portable).** "The math didn't need her to do it again." (L15) is narrator-overlay — a smile-shaped agency-reversal from the portable "numbers don't care" family that June is not generating. The very next sentence already carries the beat literally and better ("She'd done it four times and it came out the same every time: the left page won."). Cut the line entirely. If a lead-in is wanted, a flat "She didn't run it again." is the ceiling; no personification.
