# Chapter 22 Comedy Doctor — current integrated text

Scope: full chapter (`output/chapters/chapter_22.md`), all three scenes. Register calibration: reading guide §2 — warm, precise, lightly comic; observational and character-true; Emily Henry at ~60% banter density; the Morisaki/*Before the Coffee Gets Cold* quiet as floor. Target reader: the O'Leary/Henry-calibrated reader who wants comedy generated by these two people's specific damage, not narrator wit. Chapter-card constraints applied: private romantic climax, "release, earned and unspectacular," "no public-grand-gesture energy," comedy must release pressure without softening the asymmetry wound. Dialogue Doctor round 2 (CLEAN) consulted; its conduct-grade ceiling (three grades: L67, L93, L147) is honored below — no order in this audit adds a fourth.

Items considered and excluded as non-comic (tension, not attempted comedy): "Week what?" / "Three." / "Three." (L51–55, arithmetic dread); "Not the part I didn't see." (L124, consent precision under pressure); "a square with my name on it" (L101, pathos); the "Oh." (L117, the §6-sanctioned confession instance, spent correctly).

INVENTORY:
1 — "washed it at seven for no defensible reason ... she had already made one practical object do too much work this week" (L3) — mechanism: deadpan self-audit, legalistic register on a domestic object — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (the blue dish is the Ch18-planted Mara tether; the tote/Tuesday system is this book's) — dramatic work: nerves through object; arms the closing dish-by-door image — workshopped: no (checked "do too much work" for craft-speak leak; it reads as June's audit idiom and the dish genuinely is carrying feelings she's refusing to name)
2 — "where it had been since Friday night, except for all the times it had not" (L5) — mechanism: deadpan self-reversal — source: character — funniness: 1 (stock construction, smile-shaped) — portable: yes (the phone-face-down-except joke shape appears unchanged across the genre; nothing of this book in it) — dramatic work: admits compulsive checking, but L7 "She turned it over again." performs the same confession better — workshopped: yes (pre-built reversal that tells the joke the next line enacts)
3 — "made her want to put the phone in the freezer, which was not a plan" (L13) — mechanism: literalized avoidance impulse + deflecting tag — source: character (tag) / generic (prop) — funniness: 1 — portable: yes (phone-in-the-freezer is stock contemporary avoidance furniture; no paint, class, booth, or wound in it, while the same paragraph runs the owned dish/tote/notebook inventory) — dramatic work: pressure spike before drafting — workshopped: no
4 — "Her first answer sounded like a dentist's office. The second sounded meaner than she felt. A paragraph ... turned, halfway through, into her managing his feelings about her feelings" (L15) — mechanism: register collision (clinical politeness vs. stakes) escalating through three failed drafts — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (draft-and-delete is a genre staple, but the triage — too cold, too mean, too managing — maps her exact wound and derives "Sunday. 9. Just coffee.") — dramatic work: produces the chapter's terms; resolves into action ("held her thumb down until it disappeared") — workshopped: no
5 — "She sent it before the hour could argue with her" (L21) — mechanism: personified second-guessing, compressed — source: character (her exit-before-retreat pattern turned on her own hesitation) — funniness: 2 — portable: borderline but survives; the argument she's outrunning is the specific 8:04-proposing-9 awkwardness on the page — dramatic work: decision under self-suspicion in one clause — workshopped: no
6 — "put on the good sweater, telling herself it was the warm one. Both things could be true. She let them be." (L23) — mechanism: self-aware rationalization, deadpan self-permission — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no as a pair with item 27's callback — dramatic work: desire through object without confession — workshopped: no
7 — "Theo stood halfway when he saw her and sat back down, which she appreciated, because there was nothing to do at the top of that gesture and they both knew it" (L29) — mechanism: observational deflation of a social gesture — source: situation/character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (the gesture is empty precisely because their category is suspended mid-negotiation) — dramatic work: states the relationship's undefined status physically — workshopped: no
8 — ""They do the cinnamon thing on Sundays," Theo said, and stopped. "You didn't come for that." / "I did not."" (L37–39) — mechanism: host-reflex misfire caught mid-line + full-form deadpan — source: character (his card: practical offer before emotional statement; her card: full forms only for emphasis) — funniness: 2 — portable: no ("the cinnamon thing" is Sonia's-Sundays texture, first instance, grep-verified against all chapters) — dramatic work: shows the usefulness reflex he is about to renounce; entry-pressure release without softening — workshopped: no (broken syntax, self-caught; the joke is the catch, not the cinnamon)
9 — "She waited for the list, schedules and keys and how he would restructure the known world so this could never happen again. He reached for his cup instead." (L63) — mechanism: hyperbolic anticipation + misdirect — source: character (schedules/keys are his card's diction) — funniness: 2 — portable: no — dramatic work: the chapter's best structural joke — sets up the refused list and lets his restraint land as change — workshopped: no
10 — "I wrote six things. I'm not going to read them." (L65) — mechanism: specificity + refused performance — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (the renounced list is his tic renounced) — dramatic work: repair dramatized as not managing her — workshopped: no
11 — "slept in ninety-minute installments, and he had not shaved with total success" (L71) — mechanism: deadpan specificity + litotes — source: character (June's optical catalog) — funniness: 2 — portable: no as a unit (the catalog ends on the white paint at his thumbnail, which becomes the portrait plot) — dramatic work: her attention is the heat channel; plants the stockroom reveal — workshopped: no
12 — ""Don't be useful right now," June said. "You were about to offer me crates." / "Freight elevator," he admitted." (L83–85) — mechanism: anticipatory unmasking + escalation-by-confession (she guesses crates; the truth is bigger) — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (crates and the freight elevator are his art-logistics identity — the exact instrument of the harm — almost recurring at the worst moment) — dramatic work: the wound performed live and declined; "admitted" costs him — workshopped: no (two words, speakable, produced under pressure)
13 — "That's the right amount." (L93) — mechanism: deadpan quantification of feeling — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (grades his claim-size against the staying-isn't-for-you term she just set) — dramatic work: enforces the earned-stay terms — workshopped: no
14 — "The waitress refilled them both without asking, which was the correct level of involvement." (L95) — mechanism: deadpan grading — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no ("involvement" is the scene's negotiated subject; the waitress accidentally models the terms June wants from Theo) — dramatic work: thematic echo disguised as service note — workshopped: no (tag-family member; counted in the density check below)
15 — "I'd been walking past it for a month like it was going to file a complaint." (L97) — mechanism: personification in bureaucratic register + self-deprecation — source: character (complaint-filing is the admin world he lives in) — funniness: 2 — portable: no in his mouth about that canvas — dramatic work: confesses avoidance and proceeds straight to "I read it wrong" without deflecting (DD concurs) — workshopped: no
16 — "Theo's arm made it about two inches before June put the sugar caddy on the slip." (L137) — mechanism: physical preemption, timing — source: situation/character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (check standoffs travel; this one pays into the three-sugars plant and her terms enforcement) — dramatic work: "just coffee" enforced bodily — workshopped: no
17 — ""Just coffee means I buy the coffee." / "I can accept that."" (L139–141) — mechanism: term-literalism — her own text enforced as payment law — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (callback to the L19 text) — dramatic work: keeps the repair asymmetry legible; he practices receiving — workshopped: no
18 — ""Look at you." / "I'm trying not to ruin it." / "Good. Keep doing the quiet version."" (L143–147) — mechanism: tease + deadpan imperative grading conduct — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no ("Look at you" alone is generic, but the unit grades his in-scene restraint against the crates/six-things alternative he almost performed — "the quiet version" has that concrete referent, not the book's own register; checked for aesthetic self-caption and cleared) — dramatic work: sets the terms of how he gets to love her; third and final conduct-grade at the DD ceiling — workshopped: no
19 — "put it in her notebook against the page with Dana's wall on it, where later it would confuse her. That was fine. Her life had earned one confusing receipt." (L149) — mechanism: anticipated-future deadpan + self-permission — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (the receipt filed against Dana's wall is the two lives entering one notebook — the earned-stay thesis as object) — dramatic work: integration without a speech — workshopped: no ("earned one confusing receipt" is composed but stays object-bound and self-directed; checked)
20 — ""It'll be terrible." / "It won't, though," she said, aggrieved. "That's the other annoying thing about you."" (L157–159) — mechanism: compliment-as-grievance — source: character (her card's honest-warning-dressed-as-joke, inverted into praise) — funniness: 2 — portable: no ("the other" indexes the unnamed first annoying thing — the wanting she confessed at L77) — dramatic work: delivers her rare devastating praise while keeping her dignity; closes the booth warm without going soft — workshopped: no
21 — "the morning had committed to December" (L163) — mechanism: personification with a pun-adjacent underline ("committed," at the commitment scene) — source: narrator-overlay — funniness: 1 — portable: yes — dramatic work: season-clock note, available plainer — workshopped: yes (figure composed for elegance; edges the guide's ban on weather as emotional underline)
22 — "my plan was nothing. My whole plan was to do nothing and let it be your call." (L165) — mechanism: repetition, escalating commitment to passivity — source: character (his recursive over-explaining under shame) — funniness: 2 — portable: no — dramatic work: consent posture stated as logistics — workshopped: no
23 — "black with three sugars, the single inefficient thing in his entire operation" (L169) — mechanism: incongruity via audit register (efficiency review of a man) — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no ("his entire operation" is the usefulness identity the book built; the order memorized since week one is her secret care move) — dramatic work: desire through specificity (§3 heat channel); loads the kiss — workshopped: no (the polish is the joke's point: June audits; considered and cleared)
24 — "he tasted like too much sugar, which she had known he would and had not known she knew" (L171) — mechanism: epistemic chiasmus — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (pays off items 16 and 23 inside the kiss) — dramatic work: renders the kiss as accumulated attention, closed-door heat done right — workshopped: no
25 — ""It does," he said. "I stocked it in October." He winced." (L179–181) — mechanism: self-incriminating reassurance — his truthful answer accidentally re-confesses the courtship-by-provisioning; the wince is him hearing it — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no — dramatic work: the chapter's thesis in six words — the asymmetry wound is still live inside the warm close, and the joke makes it survivable instead of erased; triggers her first laugh, satisfying the warmth floor on the page — workshopped: no (checked the setup: "The room has everything we need" is a plain instruction, not a feed line; the incrimination comes from his honesty, and June does not top it)
26 — "it came out of her with the ease of a thing that had been waiting in the wings for its cue" (L181) — mechanism: personification, attempted lyric wit — source: narrator-overlay — funniness: 0 — portable: yes — dramatic work: NONE (captions the laugh the wince already earned and timed) — workshopped: yes (theater figure painted over the beat; the one sweetener in the chapter)
27 — "the cold working through the good sweater, which was, as suspected, not the warm one" (L183) — mechanism: repetition-with-variation callback ("as suspected") — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (pair with item 6) — dramatic work: retro-confirms she dressed for him while letting her keep the alibi — workshopped: no

CHAPTER VERDICT: CLEAR

27 items: 23 at funniness 2, 3 at funniness 1, 1 at 0. Sources: character 21, situation-shared 4, narrator-overlay 2 (items 21, 26) — the overlay hunt turned up only those two, both in the sidewalk scene's narration, both ordered below. Mechanism variety in dialogue is wide (misfire-and-catch, anticipatory unmasking, term-literalism, refused performance, physical preemption, compliment-as-grievance, self-incrimination); no dialogue mechanism repeats untransformed. Strongest item: 12 — ""You were about to offer me crates." / "Freight elevator," he admitted." — the book's central wound almost recurring in real time, caught by her, escalated by his honesty. Weakest surviving item: 5 — "She sent it before the hour could argue with her" — compressed enough to earn its place, but the closest survivor to overlay.

Distribution findings. Density: right for the card's "release, earned and unspectacular" — and correctly shaped: the confession stretch (L45–61) carries zero jokes, item 9 is the lone comic beat inside the accounting and it sharpens rather than softens (it exists to be refused). Sweetness: NOT oversweetened — "I stocked it in October" re-opens the wound inside the warmest beat, which is exactly the calibration the current-text focus demanded; the single sweetener is item 26, ordered cut. Cringe: none for this reader. Near-monotony warning, shown with counts: June's narration runs one deadpan mechanism family — the deflecting appositive/relative-clause tag ("which was not a plan," "which was the correct level of involvement," "except for all the times it had not," "for no defensible reason," "where later it would confuse her," "as suspected") — 7 comic instances across 27 items. Her card licenses the tag but warns "not every observation becomes a dry diagnosis." Orders 1 and 2 remove the family's two weakest members (which are also the two portable items — the failure modes converge), bringing it to 5; below MONOTONOUS, at ceiling. Revisions must add no new tags.

Tracker checks (tics.md Ch17–21 rows honored): "Noted" (spent at 2, Ch20) — absent, good. Asha boring-parts joke — absent. Odile quotability ceiling — Odile off-page. `FEB = coat` ("paid — do not repeat as a charm or thesis," Ch20) — appears L5 and L185 as pinboard anchor only; the comedy has moved to the new card's legalistic terms (`I turn it or it doesn't turn`), which is the variation; cleared. Coffee-ordering tic cap (guide §4) — "Coffee. Just coffee" is transformed into terms and payment law, not an ordering ritual; cleared. New intra-chapter gag: "just coffee" runs 4 instances (text L19, order L35, check L139, Theo's thanks L165), each escalating meaning — well-run and now SPENT; see tracker rows below. "Cinnamon thing" — first instance, place-specific; fine once, do not let it become Sonia's-charm.

REVISION ORDERS:

1. L5 — "where it had been since Friday night, except for all the times it had not." Failure: portable (stock genre construction) and workshopped (pre-built reversal that announces the confession the next line performs). Fix: cut the clause; end the sentence at "since Friday night." L7 "She turned it over again." already enacts the checking, better, because it happens on camera. This also thins the appositive-tag family by one.

2. L13 — "made her want to put the phone in the freezer, which was not a plan." Failure: portable — the freezer is stock contemporary avoidance furniture with none of this book in it, sitting in a paragraph that already runs the owned inventory (blue dish, tote, `FEB = coat` card, notebook, Tasker receipt). Fix: re-source the impulse into June's own stress catalog — her card's packs/sorts/cleans-brushes-she-has-not-used behaviors, or the dish/tote system two sentences up (the impulse to file the phone the way she keeps filing the dish is the same joke, owned). Keep the impulse absurd-concrete; do not soften it into plain description. The "which was not a plan" tag may stay only if the new image earns it — the tag family is at ceiling after Order 1.

3. L163 — "the morning had committed to December." Failure: narrator-overlay figure, funniness 1, and "committed" underlines the scene's commitment beat — edging the guide's ban on weather as emotional on-the-nose. Fix: state the December cold as a plain fact in June's optical register (what the light or her breath actually does); the temperature's comedy is already banked two lines later in item 27's sweater callback and needs no help here.

4. L181 — "and it came out of her with the ease of a thing that had been waiting in the wings for its cue." Failure: narrator-overlay, funniness 0, workshopped (theater figure), and it captions a laugh the wince already earned and timed — decorating the chapter's best-calibrated beat. Fix: cut; end the sentence at "first time all morning." Nothing replaces it. The wince is the timing; the laugh is the payoff; the narrator stands clear.

Tracker rows to append (tics.md, Ch22):
- book-specific: `just coffee` gag — 4 instances, escalated each use, SPENT; no Ch23+ reuse without transformation.
- book-specific: cinnamon thing — 1 instance, Sonia's texture; do not reuse as charm.
- book-specific: June deflecting-tag deadpan — 5 after orders, at ceiling; Ch23 (Theo POV) unaffected but Ch24 June narration should vary mechanism.
- book-specific: conduct-grades — 3 (L67, L93, L147), DD ceiling confirmed; no fourth in any Ch22 revision.
