# Chapter 11 Initial Draft Assessment

## Source

- Claude draft: `output/drafts/claude/chapter_11.round_01.md`
- Word count: 2,351
- Raw mechanical gate: PASS, open=0, allowlisted=0, WATCH=64.

## Verdict

Accept as prose base. The draft finds a strong Ch11 engine: frame-shop pickup as category pressure, Ruth/Sam's practical history around forms/access, Priya/Ben's lease flare, and a closing studio image that makes PARK / BRENNAN feel less harmless without exposing the lie.

## What Works

- June POV is audible: exact frame/corner/glass attention, dry self-correction, and reluctance to admit how quickly the cohort has become hers.
- The category pressure is concrete rather than abstract in the best stretches: pickup forms, callback numbers, authorized pickup, leaseholder/occupant, credit application.
- Priya and Ben are both right enough. Ben's housing fear is real; Priya's refusal to let cheaper rent impersonate readiness is clean.
- The ending returns to the studio and uses cubbies/slashes/frames as physical consequence, not a speech.

## Required Integration Fixes

- Continuity: remove the line implying a known "showing at the end of the class." The joint showcase is not announced until Ch13.
- Motif cap: remove unnecessary Ch11 hand foreground (`hands that knew frames`; hand/handwriting references) and reduce the Ch10 panel reference so it does not re-open the hands showcase.
- Anti-lecture: Sam/Ruth's `Labels are for folders...` / `label is a caption...` exchange is too aphoristic and too close to the banned abstract thesis. Replace with practical hospital/HR consequences.
- Claude-tic cleanup: cut or ground the personified room/cursor patience, "room with its sound turned off," and several evaluative `which` captions.
- Text-message register: remove the frame emoji from Mara's group text and keep the text plain enough for the book's typography.

## Base Decision

Use Claude round 01 as the base, not a redraft. The scene pressure and closing structure are strong enough that targeted Codex integration should be higher leverage than a second draft call.
