# Claude-Tic Audit - Chapter 23 Raw Draft

Target: `output/drafts/claude/chapter_23.round_02.md`  
Mechanical input: raw quality gate failed open=6, WATCH=78. Detailed report: `output/critiques/codex/mechanical/chapter_23_raw_quality_gate_detail.md`.

- FOUND - tic 1 em-dash rhythm - 11+ narrator/dialogue instances - evidence includes line 3 `without being asked - the exact move... - and he left`, line 47 `opposite doors - him from inside... - and the only way`, line 63 `hard passage - the underside... - and twice`, and line 161 `under it - a hard sixteenth`. ORDER: thin narrator em-dashes in the opening, painting process, and tape peel; preserve only true interruption or indispensable apposition.
- FOUND - tic 2 shimmer/atmospheric drift - 3 instances - line 61 `The accident had been a door the whole time`; line 65 `precise place his confidence had run past the truth`; line 161 `two eight-inch fields that had agreed to stay two`. ORDER: keep the physical paint discovery, but cut or literalize the object-as-theme captions.
- FOUND - tic 3 sentence-mood verbs - 2 instances - line 77 `which told him it mattered`; line 89 `the things that mattered`. ORDER: replace both with visible stakes or omit.
- FOUND - tic 4 default-elegant noun phrases - 6 instances - line 5 `small ugly form`; line 23 `the whole of a yes`; line 85 `the whole of what I get to say`; line 107 `the whole of the growth`; line 141 `a small cowardice`; line 115 `her whole concession`. ORDER: remove `whole of` family and `small cowardice`; keep only concrete object language.
- CLEAR - tic 5 habitual qualifiers/softening adverbs - checked full draft for `almost`, `nearly`, `actually`, `only`, `just`, softening adverbs. Nearest miss: line 89 `I'm not sorry I'm not going`; direct statement, not hedging. Pass.
- FOUND - tic 6 narrator-as-philosopher intrusion - 4 instances - line 9 `The way you honored a design that clean`; line 113 `the thread paid itself off in chairs`; line 149 `the explanation runs shorter than the truth every time`; line 165 `leaving it alone was the work`. ORDER: translate these into action and leave interpretation to the scene.
- FOUND - tic 7 theme explanation after beat - 6 instances - line 5 `The clipboard took the door off its hinges`; line 47 `paint the other one shut`; line 71 `the not-answering was the two of them agreeing`; line 113 `That was the entire negotiation`; line 149 label explanation; line 165 portrait non-movement gloss. ORDER: keep the strongest concrete beat; cut explanatory afterbeats.
- FOUND - tic 8 recursive negation - 1 open mechanical blocker - line 161 `Not blended. Not bridged.` ORDER: replace with a positive physical description of the seam.
- CLEAR - tic 9 self-aware meta-clauses - checked for `if that was the word`, `if there was a word`, and related hedges. Nearest miss: line 65 `Pentimento, the word for it`; this is a technical term in an art-process paragraph, not self-aware uncertainty. Pass.
- FOUND - tic 10 over-balanced sentence structures - 5 instances - line 47 `him from inside... her from the threshold`; line 63 `twice... and twice... and twice`; line 83 four-offer list; line 113 `Priya... and Ben... and neither`; line 163 `His side and hers...`. ORDER: break the most symmetrical sequences, especially where they sound like thesis rather than Theo's live thought.
- CLEAR - tic 11 profundity-stamp ending - checked chapter close. Nearest miss: line 177 `Theo went to prop the second door`; concrete action, not a single-sentence maxim. Pass.
- CLEAR - tic 12 default lovely/quiet/small register - checked for `lovely`, `quiet`, `small` as emotional register. Nearest miss: line 5 `small ugly form`; concrete form size/tone, not generic loveliness, though it overlaps tic 4. Pass after tic-4 repair.
- CLEAR - tic 13 stock physical reaction beats - checked for throat/chest/heartbeat/body shorthand. Nearest miss: line 77 phone action before June's text; the draft uses object action rather than body reflex. Pass.

Book-specific additions:

- FOUND - zero-tolerance dialogue diagnosis risk - 2 instances - line 31 `He'd had a sentence built... heard the length of it`; line 157 `meaning the peel`. ORDER: remove sentence-quality caption and the explanatory translation of June's line.
- FOUND - banned/retired romance tic - 1 instance - line 93 `a beat behind the doing`. ORDER: cut `a beat`; this is explicitly refused by the reading guide.
- FOUND - spent diction family - 1 instance - line 109 `what the math wants`. ORDER: replace; Ch20 marked spoken `the math` at ceiling.
- CLEAR - `load-bearing` ban - checked with registry and `rg`; no instance. Pass.
- WATCH - hands/light motif density - gate shows hands/body WATCH=10 and light/eye vocabulary; mostly literal painting/setup, but line 63 and line 165 foreground hands as moral proof. ORDER: while repairing theme gloss, reduce hand-as-proof language and keep hands doing work only.

WATCH-count reconciliation: raw gate WATCH=78. The WATCH clusters that matter for repair are repeated descriptors (26), hands/body (10), trailing participles (16), eye/look (6 total), em-dash families, and `wp-aivocab-cluster` from `showcase`. The audit finds additional judgment tics not captured by registry: `whole of` family, label/truth exposition, and object-as-theme captions.

Chapter verdict: TICS-FOUND (29). Blocks synthesis until raw mechanical blockers and the orders above are executed or explicitly defended.
