# Editor-Not-Satisfied-Customer Scored Check — Chapter 20

id: editor_scored_check | owner: codex | target: `output/chapters/chapter_20.md`

Scores use 1-10, with 7 as professional baseline.

- Scene pressure: 8 — The offer is materially good and the worse counter is quantified: "That's a worse offer" / "It is."
- Character desire: 8 — June wants stability and making; Nia wants a program staffed; Asha wants real terms; Ruth/Sam want to help without steering.
- Specificity: 8 — Dollars, W-9, Jan 4, Dana room, blue dish, catalog box, Vandercook, lease paragraph 14.
- Dialogue naturalness: 8 provisional — latest verified Dialogue Doctor predates comedy dialogue edits, so final rerun remains required; current lines read distinct and non-diagnostic.
- Readability/followability: 7.5 — The money math is dense but staged on notebook pages and repeated as dialogue consequence. Remaining Claude Clarity Pass is pending after reset.
- Ending force: 8 — The study on June's wall and back-of-hand crating note convert choice into action.
- Originality within genre: 8 — Romance pressure is displaced into a vocational/housing decision without making either job a strawman.

Strongest concern: the chapter is materially dense and may ask readers to hold several dates (Dec 10, Dec 15, Jan 2, Jan 4, Jan 25, March). It survives locally because the dates become immediate actions in the execution sequence, but Claude Clarity Pass must still verify cold-reader load.

Chapter verdict: `EDITOR-PASS-PROVISIONAL-PENDING-CLAUDE-CLARITY`.

REVISION ORDERS: none from Codex; keep Clarity Pass queued after Claude reset.
