# Chapter 06 Initial Draft Assessment

## Source

- Claude raw draft: `output/drafts/claude/chapter_06.round_01.md`
- Mechanical raw gate: `output/critiques/codex/mechanical/chapter_06_raw_quality_gate.md`

## Verdict

ACCEPT AS PROSE BASE WITH LOCAL SYNTHESIS REPAIRS.

The draft satisfies the chapter card's structural job: it stages an off-Tuesday gallery walk, starts Priya/Ben's rent-math thread, makes the cohort treat June/Theo as a default unit, and lets Ruth's misread become active through the clean-exit question. It also gives Theo a concrete behavior change at the coffee counter and with the route card.

## Keep

- The lunch-walked route card and over-managed route as Theo's opening pressure.
- June's agency corrections: `I was going to start at the front`; `I can answer that. We don't live together.`
- Priya/Ben's `Rent math is not a proposal` setup, with the broker text and shared note as concrete pressure.
- Ruth's core question: if the class stops being good for June, who can she tell who is not Theo?
- The coffee-counter repair beat where Theo lets June decide and pay for her own coffee.
- The route-card handoff to Ben as a small action showing Theo relinquishing control.

## Repair Before Integration

1. Mechanical BANNED: line 77, `before he knew it`. Replace with direct body/action timing.
2. Mechanical BANNED: line 97, `the way they did when`. Replace with an observable gesture.
3. Remove recycled generic ensemble phrasing at line 23: `The group spread out the way eight people do...`
4. Reduce raw `, which` narration and evaluative `which` clauses, especially lines 3, 17, 61, 83, 93, 147, 159.
5. Cut or convert sentence/delivery captions: line 105 `correction with no weight`; line 111 `decided exactly how much to say`; line 123 `question stands`.
6. Thin em dashes from 10 to a lower-density mix of periods, commas, and dialogue interruptions.
7. Replace the ending's stillness pose with a decision/action close. Keep Theo not yet finding the answer, but end with him moving without a route rather than standing and looking.
8. Keep the protected identity hidden. Existing draft does this, but the repaired version must not sharpen `Boss was a true word` into reveal-equivalent family pressure.

## Risks To Audit After Integration

- Dialogue Doctor: Ruth/Sam pressure may still tip into wise-NPC register if not kept practical.
- Comedy Doctor: Ben's route/rent jokes need to stay anxious and character-based, not polished.
- Reaction Divergence/Snapshot: eight-person scene must keep each cohort member's care move distinct.
- Ending Quality: final paragraph must land as consequence, not profundity.
