# Comedy Doctor — Chapter 20: No Advice / Keys Here

Register audited against: warm, precise, lightly comic; character/situation over narrator-overlay; never sitcom, never banter-for-banter (READING_GUIDE §2). Chapter card dials: "June plain, less jokey, precise about money and materials"; "Ruth gets one sharp line max; no inspirational refusal." Special obligation: humor must not soften the genuine loss of the Tasker offer.

INVENTORY:
1 — "Twenty-six hours, give or take the walk from the sink to the table." (l.3) — mechanism: precision-deflation (deadline arithmetic collapsed to domestic scale) — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no — dramatic work: sets the deadline clock without emotional weather — workshopped: no
2 — "the one object on the premises that didn't require a decision. Restful to look at." (l.5) — mechanism: deadpan relief — source: character — funniness: 1 — portable: no — dramatic work: decision fatigue; Mara dish-tether continuity — workshopped: no, but "on the premises" re-opens the clerical register logged as repaired-to-zero in Ch18
3 — "because she was a painter and not a payroll department" (l.9) — mechanism: coined antithesis stamp — source: character diction, quotation syntax — funniness: 1 — portable: yes (swap "painter" for any trade, the line survives) — dramatic work: flags the W-2 guess as a guess — workshopped: yes (balanced, alliterative, composed-for-quotation)
4 — "radiators that worked on purpose" (l.9) — mechanism: deadpan incongruity — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: yes (generic-renter wit, detachable to any NYC novel) — dramatic work: makes the Tasker apartment concretely good — workshopped: no
5 — "It was still good. That was the entire problem with the left page." (l.11) — mechanism: deadpan paradox — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (left page = this notebook, this offer) — dramatic work: names the chapter's whole tension; keeps the loss genuine — workshopped: no
6 — "NEW YORK. A grand heading for what was under it." (l.13) — mechanism: deflation caption — source: narrator-overlay — funniness: 1 — portable: yes (any list under any heading) — dramatic work: none the figures don't already do — workshopped: no
7 — "This is a two-minute visit unless you'd like it to be longer." (l.27, Ruth) — mechanism: offer-disguised-as-logistics — source: character — funniness: 1 (symmetrical pivot, composed) — portable: yes — dramatic work: opens the care-without-advice frame — workshopped: borderline yes; also crowds the card's one-sharp-Ruth-line cap (item 12 is this appearance's line)
8 — "There's coffee. There hasn't been milk since Sunday." (l.29) — mechanism: hospitality deflation / understatement — source: character + situation — funniness: 2 — portable: no (Sunday pegs the rupture clock) — dramatic work: shows June's week without an interiority report — workshopped: no
9 — "They picked the box up properly this time, knees," (l.39, Sam) — mechanism: one-word self-correction compression — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (Sam's established body-practical register) — dramatic work: Sam's care move embodied — workshopped: no
10 — "all of it squared up like evidence" (l.41) — mechanism: register-collision simile — source: narrator-overlay — funniness: 1 — portable: yes — dramatic work: none; Ruth's declining-to-read-it-aloud beat that follows does the work — workshopped: no; re-opens the June evidence-default watched since Ch05
11 — "You can leave that part out," Ruth said. "We came for the dish." (l.47) — mechanism: deadpan permission-via-logistics — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (dish errand + Ruth's silence-repair arc) — dramatic work: grants privacy while staying present — workshopped: no
12 — "We have a car," Ruth said. / "And a hand truck if you need it." / "Noted," June said. (l.51–55) — mechanism: topper volley; the non-answer that is the exact answer (logistics offered where opinion was banned) — source: character ×2 — funniness: 2 — portable: no (only works against June's "I'm not asking" ultimatum) — dramatic work: enacts care-without-advice; pays Ruth-watch beat 4 of 4 — workshopped: no
13 — "Talk fast, I'm holding a door with my whole body." (l.65, Asha) — mechanism: literalized hyperbole under time pressure — source: character + situation — funniness: 2 — portable: no (freight load-in world) — dramatic work: prices Asha's hours; earns the later early hang-up — workshopped: no
14 — "Not a favor. A clause." (l.71, June) — mechanism: fragment antithesis stamp — source: character diction, composed syntax — funniness: 1 — portable: yes (contract-vs-favor is generic) — dramatic work: redundant; the preceding sentence ("After-hours access, in writing, in the offer letter") and Asha's next line already carry it — workshopped: yes — rebuilds the exact fragment-stamp shape Voice Check 15 removed ("Not the wall. The press.")
15 — "Who writes that?" Asha said. "Nia Torres, apparently." (l.73) — mechanism: self-answered rhetorical / deflected admiration — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (the clause, this program director) — dramatic work: third-party certification that makes June's no cost more — workshopped: no
16 — "Corners like a surgeon." (l.73, Asha) — mechanism: precision simile — source: character — funniness: 1 — portable: yes ("like a surgeon" is stock precision shorthand; any install character in any book) — dramatic work: certifies Nia — workshopped: borderline yes
17 — "the north window's honest light and the radiator is decorative. Wear the coat inside until February." (l.85, Asha) — mechanism: balanced truth-doublet + practical hyperbole — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no ("honest light" is this book's craft diction; the instruction is load-in pragmatism) — dramatic work: prices the New York choice; plants FEB = coat — workshopped: no
18 — "Okay," June said, and Asha hung up before the word was finished. (l.91) — mechanism: timing / interruption — source: character + situation — funniness: 2 — portable: no (grounded by the gate, the pallet jack, the shouted name) — dramatic work: Asha's world has no idle minutes; contrast with June's twenty-six hours — workshopped: no
19 — "FEB = coat." (l.93) — mechanism: repetition-with-variation payoff (the unfillable "FEB =" blank filled with Asha's coat instruction) — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no — dramatic work: accepts the cost in June's own notation without converting it to hope — workshopped: no
20 — "was the back room in Ridgewood still worth the coat?" (l.101) — mechanism: metonym coin (third coat instance) — source: narrator-overlay drift — funniness: 1 — portable: no — dramatic work: none; the literal restatement two sentences later ("The $340 room barely held heat") does it — workshopped: yes (coin-building; hardship becoming cute currency)
21 — "not at 2 a.m. where every proof passes or fails on mood" (l.101) — mechanism: aphorism — source: narrator-overlay (a maxim about proofs in general, not this proof) — funniness: 1 — portable: yes (any decision, any book) — dramatic work: none beyond "not at 2 a.m." — workshopped: yes
22 — "The test was ugly enough to be useful." (l.103) — mechanism: antithesis stamp in verdict-caption position — source: narrator-overlay wearing June/Odile coin-words — funniness: 1 — portable: yes — dramatic work: captions a test the reader just watched — workshopped: yes; the aphorism family under standing kill orders since Ch17–18
23 — "I ran the math with you three weeks ago and I win the math." (l.111, Nia) — mechanism: competitive deadpan with coined repetition — source: character (money candor per card) — funniness: 2 — portable: no (the math is the two-page spread the scene is built on) — dramatic work: makes the no cost something; Nia neither sulks nor sweetens — workshopped: no (checked against Ch15's flattened zinger history; this is her one composed line of the call and it is speakable)
24 — "That's a worse offer," Nia said. / "It is," June said. (l.131–133) — mechanism: deadpan concession (expected rebuttal replaced by flat agreement) — source: character ×2 — funniness: 2 — portable: no (sits on the counter June just read off the right page) — dramatic work: keeps the Tasker loss sharp at the exact beat it could have been softened — workshopped: no (watched line "worse offer" checked: first occurrence in the book, plain declarative, no punchline syntax — cleared)
25 — "I watched her keep six installers moving while the freight elevator was stuck and nobody got loud." (l.137, June) — mechanism: understatement-capped anecdote — source: character (June's precise-praise care move) — funniness: 2 — portable: no (Kessler freight world, Asha's Ch09 competence on record) — dramatic work: recommendation on merit, not guilt — workshopped: no
26 — "She wants painting at night." (l.137, June) — mechanism: callback (fourth deployment of Asha's Ch09 "do the boring parts and still paint at night") — source: character — funniness: 1 — portable: no — dramatic work: motive relay a cold reader gets from "She wants the terms and the city" already — workshopped: no, but the family is over the house one-varied-callback cap (Ch09 origin, Ch15 verbatim recall, Ch20 ×2)
27 — "I know her invoices," Nia said. "She itemizes. That's already more than most references." (l.139) — mechanism: professional-metric-as-character-reference — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (pays off June's "I itemize and I'm fast" two lines up and Asha's Ch09 invoice register) — dramatic work: closes the recommendation on evidence — workshopped: no
28 — "I have a program to keep open." (l.139, Nia) — mechanism: catchphrase reprise — source: character — funniness: 1 — portable: no — dramatic work: deadline pressure already carried by "before one" and Pittsburgh — workshopped: yes (verbatim repeat of her Ch15 sentence "I still have a program to keep open"; second identical use converts a character line into a catchphrase)
29 — "ok now the boring parts." (l.151, Asha text) — mechanism: varied callback (Ch09 line applied to the actual boring parts) — source: character — funniness: 1 — portable: no — dramatic work: momentum into the paperwork run — workshopped: no; scored 1 only because the family is saturated (see item 26); as the family's single closing instance it would stand
30 — "The front room was worse than described" … "June looked at the light longest." (l.155) — mechanism: anticlimax, then sincere pivot — source: situation + character (her eye goes to the light) — funniness: 2 — portable: no — dramatic work: the New York choice is priced honestly; the listing is never romanticized — workshopped: no
31 — "printed nothing, because she had no printer, and emailed it. Paragraph 14 allowed email; she checked." (l.157) — mechanism: performed negation + procedural deadpan — source: character — funniness: 1 (the "printed nothing" clause performs its own lack; "she checked" lands) — portable: no — dramatic work: material poverty plus diligence — workshopped: the negation clause, yes
32 — "so the math and the deadline could keep each other company as a record of a thing that was over" (l.159) — mechanism: whimsical personification — source: narrator-overlay — funniness: 0 (does not land as comedy; lands as sweetening) — portable: yes — dramatic work: NONE; the plain action carries it — workshopped: yes; object-personification family has been held at zero since Ch08
33 — "one nail, level enough" (l.165) — mechanism: micro-deadpan self-tolerance — source: character — funniness: 2 — portable: no (reads against June's receipt-squaring tic three times this chapter) — dramatic work: arc pivot — the woman who squares receipts hangs her own study imperfectly and leaves it — workshopped: no

Watched-line checks (per assignment):
- "worse offer" — cleared; see item 24. Plain speech, first use, refuses consolation.
- "coat" — three instances; first two earn (items 17, 19), third is a coin (item 20, blocked).
- "printer thing" — the office-printer noise in Nia's call (l.111) is inert texture, fine; the "printed nothing" negation is the failure (item 31, blocked).
- "go get your clause" — absent verbatim; its residue is the "Not a favor. A clause." stamp (item 14, blocked).
- "listing of my dreams" — absent; the Dana-photo beat (item 30) keeps the listing anti-romantic. Cleared.

Tracker checks:
- Boring-parts/paint-at-night family: over cap — Ch09 origin, Ch15 verbatim recall, Ch20 twice (items 26, 29). House precedent (alleged-cherry, "I'm cargo") allows one varied callback, already spent in Ch15.
- Nia "program to keep open": second verbatim use (item 28).
- Ruth sharp-line cap (1 per appearance): "We have a car" is the line; item 7 crowds the cap; "We came for the dish" is plain and exempt.
- Squaring/straightening: three instances (l.3/15, l.41, l.145), all functional displacement; within watch, no decorative use.
- Ch19 inheritances: no stool-count joke, no extra jar symbolism (both jars are literal paperweights/covers), no chair-count joke (Sam moves a chair as fact), no room/side/reach vocabulary carryover, no ledger/debt narration figure — except "on the premises" (item 2) and "like evidence" (item 10), each ordered out below.
- Keys: "I'd still be the person with keys" (l.121) transforms the capped Ch17 key cluster into June's self-knowledge; plot-bearing, not a gag. Compliant.

Distribution:
- Density: 33 items in a chapter carded "June plain, less jokey." The dialogue layer is correctly weighted; the excess is in June's narration.
- Mechanism variety: dialogue mechanisms vary (topper volley, timing, deadpan concession, callback, literalized hyperbole, anticlimax). Narration does not: the coined antithesis/epigram stamp recurs — items 3, 14, 20, 21, 22, plus two uninventoried near-stamps: "the decision instead of the arithmetic" (l.97) and "would not put heat in the room or pay the deposit" (l.103). Seven instances of one mechanism, concentrated in June's interiority, in a book where this family was flattened by order in Ch15 and killed on sight in Ch17–18.
- Sweetness: the core loss stays sharp where it matters (items 5, 24; the deleted draft at l.97 is joke-free, correctly). Two instances sweeten around the edges: item 32 (the receipt's retirement made cozy) and item 20 (hardship as cute coin).
- Cringe: none found; nothing misjudges the target reader's tolerance.

VERDICT: MONOTONOUS
One mechanism over-recurring: the coined antithesis/epigram stamp, 7 instances (items 3, 14, 20, 21, 22 + near-stamps at l.97 and l.103), all June-narration or June-mouth, against a chapter card that dials her "plain, less jokey." The counts elsewhere are healthy — 18 of 33 items score 2, the strongest comedy is character-sourced dialogue (items 12, 24, 19) — which is precisely why the stamp crop stands out: every time the chapter returns to June's head, the same composed-antithesis move fires. This family has been ordered dead three times (Ch15 fragment stamp, Ch17 and Ch18 aphorism kills) and Ch20 regrows it.

REVISION ORDERS:
R1 (item 2) — "the one object on the premises that didn't require a decision": replace "on the premises" with plain locus ("in the apartment"). The joke's engine is decision fatigue, not legalese; the clerical register is at zero by standing repair.
R2 (item 3) — "because she was a painter and not a payroll department": cut the antithesis. End at "question mark," or ground the doubt in her actual experience of withholding. The guess being a guess is the content; the alliterative balance is the workshop.
R3 (item 4) — "radiators that worked on purpose": flatten to fact ("radiators that worked") or anchor to something Nia showed her. The deep sills already make the apartment good, and Asha's "the radiator is decorative" (item 17) must remain the chapter's one radiator joke — two radiator quips split the working/decorative contrast into twin quips.
R4 (item 6) — "A grand heading for what was under it.": cut the caption. The figures under NEW YORK (net-45, $490, FEB =) are the deflation.
R5 (item 7) — Ruth's "This is a two-minute visit unless you'd like it to be longer.": flatten to logistics ("We're double-parked. Two minutes."). Ruth's one sharp line this appearance is "We have a car" (item 12); the card allows exactly one, and the composed pivot here is the excess. Let June be the one who could open the longer door.
R6 (item 10) — cut "like evidence." "All of it squared up," followed by Ruth reading it and declining to read it out loud, does everything the simile does; the June evidence-default has been on watch since Ch05.
R7 (item 14) — cut "Not a favor. A clause." June's previous sentence ("After-hours access, in writing, in the offer letter") and Asha's "Who writes that?" already make the distinction twice. The fragment stamp is the shape Voice Check 15 removed; do not rebuild it.
R8 (item 16) — replace "Corners like a surgeon." with install-world material from this book's inventory: Asha has watched Nia hang at the co-op, so give her a hanger's observation (level by eye and checks anyway; margins; her miters) instead of the stock surgeon simile. Keep "She's serious."
R9 (items 26 + 29) — retire the Ch09 "boring parts / paint at night" family. Cut "She wants painting at night." from June's pitch to Nia (end at "She wants the terms and the city."). Keep "ok now the boring parts" as the family's final instance and log the retirement in output/tics.md.
R10 (item 20) — "still worth the coat" → "still worth it." The literal cost is restated two sentences later ("The $340 room barely held heat"); the third coat beat converts a priced hardship into a coin and pre-softens the test. Two coat beats (items 17, 19) stand.
R11 (item 21) — cut "where every proof passes or fails on mood." End the sentence at "not at 2 a.m." The maxim is about proofs in general and belongs to no one in this book.
R12 (item 22) — cut "The test was ugly enough to be useful." The next literal sentence ("The Ridgewood room still had ten feet of wall and a north window") is the verdict. The aphorism family is under standing kill orders from Ch17–18.
R13 (item 28) — vary or cut Nia's "I have a program to keep open." Second verbatim use of her Ch15 sentence makes it a catchphrase. "…subject line Tasker, because I'm in Pittsburgh all next week" carries the pressure; "before one" and "payroll at eleven" finish it.
R14 (item 31) — straighten "printed nothing, because she had no printer, and emailed it": state the facts in order (no printer; paragraph 14 allowed email; she checked; she sent it). Kill the performed negation; keep "she checked."
R15 (item 32) — cut "so the math and the deadline could keep each other company." Keep "put it inside the notebook, against the spread, a record of a thing that was over." This is the chapter's one true sweetening instance, at the exact beat the card demands adult cost; the personification family has been at zero since Ch08.
R16 (verdict-level, MONOTONOUS) — after executing R1–R15, sweep June's interiority for residual balanced-doublet syntax. Two near-stamps remain: "the decision instead of the arithmetic" (l.97) may stand as literal contrast — it is the chapter's thesis said once — but "would not put heat in the room or pay the deposit" (l.103) should lose one limb ("would not put heat in the room"). Allow at most one surviving doublet in narration; the chapter's comedy should live where it already works — in Ruth's car, Sam's hand truck, Asha's freight door, and Nia's math.
