Completed. Wrote the audit to `output/critiques/claude/chapter_24.clarity_pass.md` (overwriting the prior base file, which is the expected convention). The completed audit document follows.

---

# Fresh-Reader Clarity Pass — Chapter 24: First Snow

id: clarity_pass | owner: claude | tier: risk | chapter: 24
stance: skeptical professional editor. No praise. Findings only, proven with quoted evidence, converted to scene-native revision orders.

Reader-knowledge baseline (what a first-time reader knows entering Ch24, per prior chapters, not the story bible's protected secrets): June and Theo enrolled as a fake couple in Odile's final couples-only class; the reader knows the fake-couple truth, knows Theo is Odile's nephew (Ch17), knows `After Class` is the two-underpainting joint piece with a bare-priming seam (Ch23), knows Theo's Week 3 study of June is finished and faced-in under June's consent terms (Ch21/22), knows June declined Tasker/Philadelphia and took Dana's Ridgewood room + Kessler work with money due Dec 10 / March (Ch20/23), and knows the blue-dish return tether (Ch18/23). The reader does NOT yet know Odile knew from night one — that is this chapter's protected reveal.

---

## PLAIN-EVENT SUMMARY

At the class's final showcase, in the upstairs studio above Marchetti Rooms, June runs the coffee urn against the back wall by the radiator rather than stand at the door. The cohort climbs the stairwell and hangs wet coats: Priya (red scarf), Ben (with flyers he designed), then the rest. June had dreaded the room finding `After Class`; instead she pours coffee for Sam Rivera and settles. Theo has hung the cohort's work in a row along the north wall (Priya's interiors, Sam's dog-or-sofa canvas, Mara's kitchen, Luis's three studies); `After Class` stands second from the end on its own easel, at an angle June set earlier. Odile sits by the flat files watching the people, not the work.

The "reading" begins: viewers stall at `After Class`. Its literal facts — 12×16, two eight-inch fields, a hard bare-priming seam down the center, Theo's lit half, June's dark umber half around "the doorway that used to be a stain," and the label "After Class. Two underpaintings of one room, finished together." Most viewers read the seam as technique and move on. Sam offers to fix the "lean in the wall" (the off-true corner) with a level; Theo declines ("It's meant to lean") without his old explanatory sermon, and joins June at the back wall.

Mara brings empanadas. June returns Mara's blue/cobalt dish, washed; Mara fills it with food and Luis silently repositions it to the coffee-table center, into the traffic sightline. Priya brings June an unrequested coffee and mentions "we're looking again in April" (the Suffolk lease, deferred). Ruth Kim reads `After Class` last and longest, then says privately, only to June, "You didn't start this together." June answers, "No. We didn't." Ruth stops there, says it's the best thing on the wall, and leaves. That two-word exchange is the only "confession" the room gets; the rest of the cohort reads only technique.

Theo returns; he and June register that Ruth "read it" (from the label/seam) but will keep it. The room empties (Priya/Ben leave toward the train). By 7:30 only June, Theo, and Odile remain. The Halloran collectors buzz early (7:40); Theo sends them to a bar until eight. He and June log the finished work on the CHECK-OUT clipboard; because June's Ridgewood wall does not exist until January 2 and Theo has no wall of his own, they sign `After Class` into storage under both names (`Park` and `Brennan`) and Theo lays it flat in the third flat-file drawer.

June goes to the stockroom for her coat and instead stops at the storage rack, where Theo's Week 3 study of her stands faced to the brick (pencil label: her name, week-three start date, last-Thursday finish date). Theo has left the turning to her. She weighs leaving it faced in, then turns it and looks: herself at the utility sink from behind/three-quarter, rinsing a brush, a value study (dark sweater against dark wall), her face barely given, not looking back at the painter. She first reaches for "pity," revises toward the harder read (the painting is better than pity), but the word stays because he hid it while "deciding for her what she could stand to know." She looks as long as she wants, then turns it back to the brick — not to hide it, but because the seeing was hers and the object is his.

June comes out with her coat. Odile, working the closed class's paperwork in a black spring binder, tells June to "sign yourself out." Odile turns the binder to an opening-night (September 24) after-hours sheet tucked before Week One, showing, in Odile's hand and dry since that night, "Park, J. - Brennan, T. Last slot." — written before June had signed anything. June realizes Odile paired them on night one, before there was a pairing. "You knew. Night one." Odile explains: June corrected the backward-hung `Winter Kitchen` / `Blue Stove` on her way out; Odile didn't want to lose a good eye "because she'd walked in as half of a couple that didn't exist. So I wrote in the other half. He was handy. He's my—" (she stops before naming the nephew relation). June sees the eight assignments retroactively as engineering ("paint the one across the table," etc.). Odile refuses apology ("I ran a class... I'm retiring, not dead"). June names the wrong: "It wasn't yours to run." Odile agrees: "No. It wasn't." June tears the page out along the perforation and pockets it.

Theo returns, reads the room and the torn page, and waits. June tells him only "I turned the study." Theo says "Okay," then offers her the portrait ("It's yours, if you want it"). June refuses to be handed the hidden thing ("Don't hand me the thing you hid and call it mine"), tells him to keep it as the first thing that is actually his, and to "paint another one where I'm facing the right way and I'll think about it." Odile releases the studio to them and goes up to the collectors, laying one finger on the drawer that holds `After Class` on her way.

June kills the strip lights; the window stops being a mirror and shows the year's first snow — the wet, non-sticking kind. Theo says it won't stick (ground too warm). They go down and out the freight door into it. June carries her jar of dirty rinse-water home (training for the January Ridgewood commute); the warm coat is "a February problem, a Kessler-in-March problem, an eight-hundred-dollars-by-Thursday problem." Theo starts to offer to walk her to the train, catches the reflex, and limits it to the corner, carrying nothing. His hand reaches for the portfolio strap [UNCLEAR: the portfolio's owner is not named earlier in the chapter, though context — Theo left the Hallorans' drawings behind and reflexively reaches to carry June's load — resolves it as June's carrier]; he drops the reflex; June takes the portfolio herself. At the corner she kisses him quick and goes to catch her train, with $800 due Thursday and Kessler money in March.

No point in this summary required guessing at a plot-bearing event except the portfolio-owner hedge above (minor, resolves by inference — see Confusion Map).

---

## INVENTORY

- `"After Class"` (the joint piece + its public label) — introduced/first weight: showcase opening + the reading, lines 7, 19–25 — orientation: **SUFFICIENT** ("Twelve by sixteen, two eight-inch fields, and down the center a hard sixteenth of bare priming where the tape had come up: not blended, not bridged, a join you could find from clear across the floor." — the object is shown in full before the label carries meaning).
- `the bare-priming seam as evidence` ("telling on her and Theo") — introduced: line 7 (June's dread); first plot weight: Ruth's line, 51 — orientation: **SUFFICIENT** ("the two or three who would stand there long enough to feel the bare strip refuse to close," 25 — the seam's meaning as separate-origin is built visually before Ruth voices it).
- `"the doorway that used to be a stain"` — line 19 — orientation: **SUFFICIENT** (self-explaining callback; reinforced at 93, "a doorway that used to be an accident" — the reader needs only "it was a stain, now it's a painted doorway," which the phrase supplies).
- `the blue / cobalt dish` — line 37 — orientation: **SUFFICIENT** (oriented by action, not memory: "'I washed it,' June said... 'Twice.'" then Mara spoons empanadas in and Luis moves it — a borrowed dish returned and refilled reads scene-native even without recall of the tether).
- `CHECK-OUT clipboard` — line 85 — orientation: **SUFFICIENT** ("Theo took the CHECK-OUT clipboard off the brick, his block letters, columns for piece, name, out, back").
- `the class ledger / black spring binder + opening-night after-hours sheet` — lines 113, 117 — orientation: **SUFFICIENT** ("September twenty-four. Opening-night after-hours list in Odile's square hand... written before June had made a single mark in this building... Ink that had been dry since the night June walked in with her coat still on" — date, hand, and precedence are all on the page).
- `"the Blue Stove"` (second Odile painting June corrected) — line 123 — orientation: **SUFFICIENT** ("Winter Kitchen and the Blue Stove, hung backward, and a stranger fixed it on her way out the door" — introduced as the paired painting in the act it names).
- `Theo's Week 3 study / portrait` — lines 89–107 — orientation: **SUFFICIENT** ("the pencil label on the stretcher bar... her name, and two dates. Week three, the day he started it. Last Thursday, the day he made himself finish" + the image described at 99).
- `the Hallorans` (collectors) — lines 83, 113, 165 — orientation: **SUFFICIENT** ("the Hallorans standing by Odile's office door with their gloves still on, not touching the wrapped drawings," 113; "hand two rich people some drawings," 165 — placed as buyers by gloves/wrapped drawings/"rich people," no prior-chapter recall required).

No INSUFFICIENT items: the chapter orients every load-bearing term scene-natively (an object shown, an action performed, a dated document), not by glossary.

---

## CONFUSION MAP

- `"the two eight-inch fields and the hard strip of bare priming down the middle telling on her and Theo to anybody who could read a picture"` (7) — reader loses: at first pass, what exactly the seam "tells on." Opacity: **ASSIGNED** (suspense / later payoff — this is June's withheld dread, paid explicitly by Ruth at 51, "You didn't start this together," and pre-seated at 25, "feel the bare strip refuse to close").
- `"You didn't start this together." / "Ruth had read the strip and stopped there. She didn't ask for the itemization."` (51–53) — reader loses: whether Ruth *knows* the fake-couple arrangement or only *infers* separate origins from the painting. Opacity: **ASSIGNED** (voice / privacy-thread payoff — the text bounds it: Ruth reads the object, "stopped there," and 25 already told us most viewers "decided it was a technique," so what the room publicly learns vs. keeps private is explicitly drawn).
- `"paint the one across the table, paint what they won't look at, paint the room the other one sees"` (125) — reader loses: whether these are literal assignment-card texts or June's retrospective gloss. Opacity: **ASSIGNED** (the reading-guide's declared reread mechanic; signaled by "the eight cards she'd carried home... rearranged themselves as she looked" — the verb marks these as June's reinterpretation, not quotation).
- `"I wasn't going to lose one because she'd walked in as half of a couple that didn't exist"` (123) — reader loses: momentarily, the compressed logic (June came alone to a couples-only class; the "couple" she'd need did not exist; Odile manufactured it). Opacity: **ASSIGNED** (the crux reveal, and it resolves within the same sentence: "So I wrote in the other half. He was handy" — the reader who holds the couples-only premise parses it).
- `"the stockroom word still not gone"` (149) — reader loses: which word. Opacity: **ASSIGNED** (recent callback — "pity was the easier word... the word stayed in the room," 101–103; the referent is a few paragraphs back and recoverable).
- `"Odile had gone up with the collectors" ... "went up to be retired at some collectors, and left them the studio"` (89, 139) — reader loses: brief spatial footing — the showcase is reached by climbing a stairwell (3, 5) and exited by going "down and out through the freight door" (155), so "up" to the collectors/office rubs against the building's vertical logic. Opacity: **ASSIGNED / holds** (strongest counter-candidate: "up" = "up front," cued by the immediately preceding "Theo was up front now"; who-is-with-June stays clear throughout — June is alone, then with Theo, then with Odile, collectors consistently elsewhere). Non-blocking; noted as the weakest orientation moment.
- `"His hand had already started toward the portfolio strap... She... hooked the portfolio into the crook of the same arm"` (169, 173) — reader loses: the portfolio's owner — the definite article has no antecedent earlier in the chapter, and line 165 has just named "drawings" Theo will hand the Hallorans. Opacity: **ACCIDENTAL (minor)** — but resolves by inference (Theo says he'll "come back and hand" the drawings, i.e., they are not on him during the walk; the reflex-to-carry + June taking it marks it hers). Sub-threshold; see optional order.
- `"neither of them looking eleven minutes apart tonight"` (81) — reader loses: the referent of "eleven minutes apart" (a private Priya/Ben detail). Opacity: **ASSIGNED / holds** (the sentence carries its own meaning regardless — "Both of them looked like April was a real place they intended to walk into on their own feet"; the opaque figure does not hide scene logistics).

---

## CHARACTER CLARITY

Placement (introduced/reappearing in Ch24):
- June Park (POV) — **PLACEABLE** (focalizer; established painter-eye and installer-history carry throughout).
- Theo Brennan — **PLACEABLE** ("both of them watching the room read the picture they'd built from opposite doors," 29).
- Odile Marchetti — **PLACEABLE** ("Odile was in her chair by the flat files... She was looking at the people looking at the work," 13).
- Priya Nair — **PLACEABLE** ("Priya came up first with the red scarf," 5; brings the unasked coffee, 45).
- Ben Adler — **PLACEABLE** ("Ben had made a flyer," 9).
- Mara Valdez — **PLACEABLE** ("Mara had brought food... the little empanadas she made," 35).
- Luis Valdez — **PLACEABLE** ("Luis was already moving. He lifted it out of her hands and set it on the coffee table dead center," 41).
- Ruth Kim — **PLACEABLE** ("she stood at it the length of time that means a person is reading and not being polite," 49).
- The Hallorans — **PLACEABLE** (collectors, by context — gloves, wrapped drawings, "rich people").
- Sam Rivera — **PLACEABLE within Ch24 as a person, but MISGENDERED against the established manuscript** — see Finding 1. The chapter genders Sam male ("he said to Theo," 27; "the tone of a man filing something away," 31), whereas the manuscript and voice bible establish Sam as they/them (Ch03: "Sam went to the square... **they** kept the shape"; Ch06: "Sam had been wedged near the door; **they** moved out of the corner and steered June into the spot **they** had occupied"; voice card: the only card written in they/them). A reader who has tracked Sam as they/them for 23 chapters destabilizes at "a man" — a placement break, not a within-chapter one.

Shared-surface-marker pairs:
- Valdez / Valdez (Mara & Luis, same surname, married) — **UN-CONFUSABLE** (distinct first names + opposed care registers in-scene: Mara narrates and feeds, "Luis, put it over by the—"; Luis acts silently, "He lifted it out of her hands and set it on the coffee table dead center," 39–43).
- Kim / Rivera (Ruth & Sam, couple) — **UN-CONFUSABLE as a pair** (Ruth reads and withholds, 49–57; Sam offers the level and files it away, 27–31) — but Sam's pronoun defect is a separate consistency finding.
- Spatial/"handy" role overlap (Sam & Luis both do placement/installer beats: Sam's "level in the car," 27; Luis's dish repositioning, 41) — **UN-CONFUSABLE** (each named at the beat; distinct partners and registers — Sam speaks the offer, Luis moves without narration).

---

## COMPLEXITY CHECKS

1. Scene action / physical orientation / focalizer perception / plot-bearing consequence on first read — **HOLDS** — the six-beat sequence (showcase → blue dish + Ruth read → storage → portrait turn → ledger reveal → first snow) is section-broken and followable; June's painter-eye focalization is unbroken; consequences (Odile knew; portrait ownership settled; June's chosen life) are explicit. Weakest point is the "up" spatial phrasing (89/139), which holds via "up front."
2. New terms / names / relationships become plain before carrying plot weight — **FAILS** — "the tone of a man filing something away" (31) and "he said to Theo" (27) render Sam's established identity (they/them, per Ch03/Ch06 and the voice bible) un-plain by contradiction; a settled relationship/identity the reader had is broken at the moment Sam carries a scene beat. (Every genuinely new item — the opening-night sheet, the ledger, the Blue Stove, the seam-as-evidence — becomes plain in the act that introduces it.)
3. Mysteries deliberately atmospheric / genre-apt vs. accidental underexplanation — **HOLDS** — the withheld items (what the seam "tells on," 7; what Ruth knows vs. infers, 51; Odile's near-said "He's my—", 123) are all assigned to suspense/privacy/character and paid or bounded on the page.
4. Plain footholds at high load — **HOLDS** — the two heaviest passages are explicitly footed: the portrait turn is guarded against a rejection/confusion misread ("She wasn't hiding it. She'd seen it, and the seeing was what was hers to do with it. The panel itself was his," 107); the ledger reveal is over-footed if anything (the night-one proof is stated three ways at 117/119/121 — clarity is not at risk; economy is the only mild cost).
5. Aliases / near-synonyms making one concept look like several — **HOLDS** — "the reading" (17) = the viewing; "the strip" / "bare priming" / "the seam" / "the join" all name the one bare-ground gap without fragmenting it; "the study" / "the panel" / "the portrait" consistently name the one Week 3 object.

---

## REVISION ORDERS

1. **(BLOCKING — Finding 1, Complexity Check 2 / Character Clarity)** Quote: "'You've got a lean in the wall up here,' **he** said to Theo" (27) and "said 'Huh' in the tone of **a man** filing something away" (31). Failure: Sam Rivera is misgendered male; the manuscript establishes Sam as they/them (Ch03 line 55 "they kept the shape"; Ch06 line 69 "they moved out of the corner... the spot they had occupied") and the voice bible writes Sam exclusively in they/them. Scene-native fix: restore they/them at both instances — "'...up here,' **they** said to Theo," and "in the tone of **someone** filing something away" (or "the tone of a person filing something away"). Do not add any lampshade; this is a silent pronoun repair. Sweep the rest of the chapter for any other Sam pronoun/noun (none others found, but confirm on the revision touch).

2. **(OPTIONAL — sub-threshold, Confusion Map / Complexity Check 4)** Quote: "His hand had already started toward the portfolio strap" (169). Failure: "the portfolio" takes a definite article with no antecedent in Ch24, and line 165's "hand two rich people some drawings" briefly baits a wrong referent. Scene-native fix: plant June's carrier one beat earlier (when she takes her coat down, 109, or shifts the jar, 173) — e.g., have June already have "her portfolio of studies" on the shoulder — or make 169 possessive: "toward the strap of **her** portfolio." A half-clause is enough; no exposition.

(No orders issued for the "up"/collectors phrasing, the April reference, or "eleven minutes apart": each was checked and ruled ASSIGNED/holds above. If a later economy pass touches 89/139, consider "up front" for the vertical rub, but it is not a clarity defect.)

---

## OVERALL: CONFUSING (1 finding)

The chapter is, on comprehension, clear-under-complexity: all five commissioned focus-tests pass. A first-time reader can tell what the room publicly learns (a good painting with a seam most read as technique; Ruth's private "you didn't start this together") from what stays private (the arrangement's mechanics, the nephew relation, Odile's night-one knowledge, the portrait, June's Tasker refusal); the six-beat sequence is followable; the opening-night ledger proves night-one knowledge cleanly (dated, in Odile's hand, predating June's enrollment) without oracle monologue; June turning the portrait back is explicitly consent/ownership, not rejection or confusion ("She wasn't hiding it. She'd seen it, and the seeing was what was hers to do with it"); and the future-life facts that appear ($800-by-Thursday, Kessler-in-March, the Ridgewood/January-2 wall) read as legible continuations. (Note: "Asha Tasker" from the commission does not appear in this chapter — it was paid in Ch23 — so there is nothing to test here.)

The lone finding is a discrete consistency defect, not a comprehension murk: Sam Rivera is gendered male at lines 27 and 31 against a manuscript and voice bible that establish them as they/them. It is a two-line surgical fix, but it is an accidental placement break for any reader carrying 23 chapters of they/them Sam, so the audit cannot return CLEAR-UNDER-COMPLEXITY.

Heaviest-load passage and the foothold that carries it: the stockroom portrait turn (95–107) — highest conceptual + emotional load (a value study read simultaneously as beauty, as pity, and as evidence of Theo's withholding, resolved into a consent/ownership decision). Foothold that carries it: "She wasn't hiding it. She'd seen it, and the seeing was what was hers to do with it. The panel itself was his, his first real thing... and he could decide where it lived now that she'd decided whether to look" (107) — the plain clause that converts the turn from possible rejection into settled ownership.
