# Dialogue Doctor — Chapter 23: Finished Together / Labels

Read cold against `checks/audits/dialogue_doctor.md`, the reading guide's binding voice rules (plain-speech floor and zero-tolerance dialogue diagnosis, §2/§6), the voice cards, and `tics.md` calibration. Seven required scenes per the dialogue scene manifest. Findings are BLOCKING and resolve via opposing-model rewrite.

**Global checks.** Contraction policy verified per speaker (June, Theo, Odile, Priya, Ben all default-contract; Odile full-form when cutting): compliant throughout — no stiff uncontracted forms flagged under Rule 4. Plain-speech floor (§2) is met in every scene: each principal delivers at least one direct, unguarded sentence. Never-says / calibration hits are isolated to Scene 04 and Scene 05 and flagged below. A per-scene `DIALOGUE-DIAGNOSIS` line is added because the reading guide's zero-tolerance rule (§2/§6) is the chapter's first-priority watch item.

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**SCENE 01 — lines 2–23, Odile boundary / check-out clipboard (Odile, Theo)**
- Voice convergence: CLEAN — Odile's clipped imperative-plus-diagnosis vs Theo's logistical lists; blind-POV holds. Strongest counter: Theo's "If your collectors want a private view they can want it at eight-oh-five." — nearest her register, but it's a boundary term in his warm-with-spikes voice, not her insult-as-diagnosis rhythm.
- Monotone Q/A: CLEAN — negotiation, not volley; Odile issues instructions, Theo counters with terms. No questions traded.
- Missing interiority: CLEAN — "He let that be true, because it was"; "for the length of one sip… which from her was a yes" keeps Theo reading her (Rule 9).
- Questions-as-statements: CLEAN — all declarative; no interrogative-as-portent.
- Fake-McCarthy: CLEAN — attribution intact, lines carry logistics; nothing performing unearned starkness.
- Jargon-trading: CLEAN — "the Rauch and the little Diebenkorn," "the Zurich loan you keep not calling about" are weighable in context as named drawings / an archive loan.
- Attribution opacity: CLEAN — two speakers, never lost.
- FAKE-SHARP: CLEAN — strongest counter: "A form. You met your feelings and issued a form." It is the one high-density line; Odile is the sole character licensed for such lines (style bible), it is speakable, and it is her only aphorism in the scene.
- INTERIORITY-OVERCORRECTION: CLEAN — not over-stripped; interiority reacts (reads the folded sheet as assent) without restating the spoken terms.
- DIALOGUE-DIAGNOSIS: CLEAN — "You met your feelings and issued a form" targets his behavior (bureaucratizing feeling via the physical clipboard), not his wording; permitted by §2 ("her diagnoses target the person or the work, never the sentence").

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**SCENE 02 — lines 26–41, June enters with the four studies (June, Theo)**
- Voice convergence: CLEAN — June names studies optically ("oil on board," "the source for my side"); Theo catalogs jar/water/tape. Distinct blind.
- Monotone Q/A: CLEAN — "Hi." / "Hi." then statements; no volley.
- Missing interiority: CLEAN — Theo reads her twice (lines 27, 39).
- Questions-as-statements: CLEAN — none.
- Fake-McCarthy: CLEAN — "Hi." / "Hi." is earned ordinary greeting (Rule 7), not performed starkness.
- Jargon-trading: CLEAN — studies described by function ("for finding the shapes"), not traded as opaque terms.
- Attribution opacity: CLEAN.
- FAKE-SHARP: CLEAN — nearest is interiority, not dialogue: "She had spent the fall painting her own exit from four angles." Heightened but it supplies the emotional read June withholds; not a spoken zinger.
- INTERIORITY-OVERCORRECTION: CLEAN — closest double-explain call is June's functional "That one's the source for my side" vs Theo's "Every one of them was the room leaving." The interiority adds the meaning she declines to state; it does not restate her line.
- DIALOGUE-DIAGNOSIS: CLEAN — strongest counter: "he watched her clock the second jar… and not remark on it, which was her way of remarking on it" (line 27). This reads a non-verbal choice the focalizer registers; it is not a caption on wording, rhythm, or delivery. Survives.

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**SCENE 03 — lines 44–73, the shared canvas / table, "Mine," the corner (June, Theo)**
- Voice convergence: CLEAN — June's clipped painterly imperatives ("Don't." "Leave the seam." "Mine.") vs Theo's explanatory lines ("I was going to bring your edge up to mine. So it reads across.").
- Monotone Q/A: CLEAN — the clipped run "Don't." / "I'm not." / "I know you're not." is stichomythia, not question/answer, and is broken by June's longer "Leave the seam…" turn.
- Missing interiority: CLEAN — Theo present at 45–47 (the table calculation) and 67 (the corner). Mind not dark.
- Questions-as-statements: CLEAN — "You're doing the table" / "You left the corner" are flat observations, not positions disguised as questions.
- Fake-McCarthy: CLEAN — strongest counter: "Don't." / "I'm not." / "I know you're not. You put the brush down." and the "Mine" beats. Clipped, but earned by the brush-down action and the thesis stakes (whether to erase the false start), and explicitly de-dramatized: "not sharp about it, the way you'd claim a coat at a party." Not performed starkness.
- Jargon-trading: CLEAN — "So it reads across," "plumb the corner," and "pentimento" are glossed by action or by the narration itself ("the older picture surfacing through the newer one").
- Attribution opacity: CLEAN.
- FAKE-SHARP: CLEAN — strongest counter: "Line them up and you get a third one neither of us saw." Quotable, but a real painting judgment in June's precise register; speakable, not composed.
- INTERIORITY-OVERCORRECTION: CLEAN — not stripped. Note the pentimento passage (65) leans expository, but it stays oriented through Theo's condition-report knowledge and restates no spoken line.
- DIALOGUE-DIAGNOSIS: **FAIL** — "It wasn't a question. He didn't answer it." (narration on June's "You left the corner," line 71). This captions the speech-act of her line — the same move as the forbidden archetype "the rhythm of a partial answer." Violates §2/§6, which bans narration characterizing delivery ("dialogue diagnosis in any form… in narration about speech"). The following clause already carries the beat as action; the classification is redundant diagnosis. See Revision Order 1.

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**SCENE 04 — lines 76–89, the phone / Dana keys / Asha (June, Theo)**
- Voice convergence: CLEAN — June's money-plus-craft plainness vs Theo's restrained-usefulness lines. Counter: Theo's "March is a long way to carry January" is his most poetic beat but stays grounded in the concrete Jan/March arithmetic and is his register of held-back help.
- Monotone Q/A: CLEAN — no volley; statements.
- Missing interiority: CLEAN — "He had four things he could have said… He picked his brush back up." keeps the focalizer present and shows the withheld-usefulness choice.
- Questions-as-statements: CLEAN — none.
- Fake-McCarthy: CLEAN — attribution and interiority intact.
- Jargon-trading: CLEAN — "Kessler's money doesn't land till March," "the studio-access form" are weighable in context.
- Attribution opacity: CLEAN.
- FAKE-SHARP: CLEAN — counters: "like it was a sonogram" (June's one visual simile, in her painter-eye register, tied to the concrete form) and the narration "He watched it cost her a second before it paid her one." The latter is near-composed but survives as Theo's orienting read of June absorbing the text (bad news, then the key-date consolation). Both at the ceiling.
- INTERIORITY-OVERCORRECTION: CLEAN — not stripped.
- DIALOGUE-DIAGNOSIS: CLEAN — strongest counter: "she said the other one sideways" (line 89). "Sideways" describes June's oblique approach to a topic and is her voice card's own canonical descriptor ("says the true thing sideways"); it points at topic-approach, not at a speech-act classification or craft-rating. Distinguished from the Scene 03/05 captions and permitted.
- VOICE-CARD: **FAIL** — June, "Both of those are true and I can hold both." (line 89). "I can hold both" is therapy-speak — the register June's voice card lists under never-says ("therapy-speak speeches"), and off her stress mode ("compresses… uses visual/craft nouns instead of big feeling words"). See Revision Order 3.

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**SCENE 05 — lines 92–115, Priya/Ben slower-choice payoff (Ben, Priya, Theo, June)**
- Voice convergence: CLEAN — Priya asks the real thing; Ben talks logistics-as-emotion; Theo is the spare witness. Counter: Ben's "a spreadsheet with an empty column is just a lie with math on it" is his most stylized line but stays in his sanctioned logistics-metaphor lane.
- Monotone Q/A: CLEAN — mostly declarative, with one genuine question ("Can you come to April knowing that?"); no volley.
- Missing interiority: CLEAN — Theo present ("Theo waited, which was a thing he was learning to do with his mouth shut"). The Priya/June beat is watched from his position, not gone dark.
- Questions-as-statements: CLEAN — "Can you come to April knowing that? That's my condition." is a real question she then frames plainly, not portent.
- Fake-McCarthy: CLEAN — attribution present across four bodies ("he said, to a chair").
- Jargon-trading: CLEAN — "first and last," "the wall share," rent terms; weighable.
- Attribution opacity: CLEAN — four speakers but each tracked.
- FAKE-SHARP: CLEAN — strongest counter: "a spreadsheet with an empty column is just a lie with math on it." Near the ceiling, but it functions as visible deflection that the scene immediately dismantles with the plain "I'm scared it's the wrong call. That's the real thing under the eleven minutes." — satisfying the plain-speech floor (§2) and Ben's card ("'I'm scared' should eventually replace a plan"). Also survives: the narration "quiet in the specific way of a man carrying a spreadsheet around behind his eyes" — Theo's domestic-observation read of Ben's mood, not a rated dialogue line.
- INTERIORITY-OVERCORRECTION: CLEAN — not stripped.
- DIALOGUE-DIAGNOSIS: **FAIL** — "When she spoke it came out as a question." (line 107) and "She started it as an instruction and caught it and put it down and picked up the other one." (line 109). Both caption Priya's delivery — classifying the speech-act ("came out as a question") and labeling her first attempt an "instruction." Same §2/§6 violation as Scene 03, and redundant: the rendered lines already show her control→ask shift (the fragment "April, when we look again." giving way to "I want to know what you want… Can you come to April knowing that?"). See Revision Order 2.
- VOICE-CARD / CALIBRATION: **FAIL** — Ben, "I checked the walk between our two buildings. Eleven minutes. Which I know is not a—" He stopped himself. (line 105). This reprises the "not a personality" self-deprecation shape that `tics.md` records as **retired / blocked repeat** ("Future Ben self-deprecation needs new syntax and stakes"; Ch05 line "I checked the train. Twice, which I know is not a personality"). The self-interruption gestures at retiring it, but the syntax — "I checked the [X]. [figure]. Which I know is not a—" — is the same. See Revision Order 4.

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**SCENE 06 — lines 118–151, the label (June, Theo)**
- Voice convergence: CLEAN — June's editorial imperatives ("Cut it." "So say only that." "That one.") vs Theo's literal over-building ("It's accurate." "It doesn't say who finished which side.").
- Monotone Q/A: CLEAN — a working edit with varied line lengths, not a volley.
- Missing interiority: CLEAN — Theo present (line 121, "the last real decision and so the one Theo wanted to over-build"; line 151).
- Questions-as-statements: CLEAN — "What are they. Actually. Under the paint." is a genuine prompt, not portent.
- Fake-McCarthy: CLEAN — attribution intact.
- Jargon-trading: CLEAN — "wall text," "stretcher," "underpaintings" are grounded by the editing action.
- Attribution opacity: CLEAN.
- FAKE-SHARP: CLEAN — the chapter's closest call: "It's explaining the joke before anyone tells it." and "'views' is a tour bus." are quotable, but they are work-critique of a jointly-authored caption (June's sanctioned precise-critique care move), explicitly guarded by narration — "She wasn't grading him. She was doing to the card what she'd done to the doorway, lifting away everything that wasn't the thing" — and the beat is carried by the plain lines "What are they. Actually. Under the paint." / "So say only that." Sits at the ceiling; do not add more.
- INTERIORITY-OVERCORRECTION: CLEAN — "He didn't write a paragraph in his head about what the label meant… let them be two cards" keeps Theo present without re-explaining the label.
- DIALOGUE-DIAGNOSIS: CLEAN — the label copy is a designed object being edited, not a character's conversational speech; June critiques the work, not Theo's phrasing, and the narration marks the distinction ("She wasn't grading him"). Nearest risk: "'views' is a tour bus," a diction verdict — but on the caption-artifact, permitted as work-critique.

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**SCENE 07 — lines 154–177, the tape / close at the door (June, Theo)**
- Voice convergence: CLEAN — June's exit-and-wanting register ("I'll be at the coffee pretending I'm not watching the door") vs Theo's spare warmth ("I know.").
- Monotone Q/A: CLEAN — "Mine or yours" answered with a term, not a volley.
- Missing interiority: CLEAN — Theo present ("June would turn it tonight or she wouldn't").
- Questions-as-statements: CLEAN — none.
- Fake-McCarthy: CLEAN — "I know." is spare but earned by the whole afternoon.
- Jargon-trading: CLEAN — "the shallow angle you use so the tape lifts clean" is self-glossing.
- Attribution opacity: CLEAN.
- FAKE-SHARP: CLEAN — strongest counter: "Someone's going to tell you it's crooked and offer to fix it… tell them it's supposed to." Thesis-bearing, but plainly said in June's warning-as-care register; speakable, not composed.
- INTERIORITY-OVERCORRECTION: CLEAN — spare close, but Theo's mind is present; not stripped.
- DIALOGUE-DIAGNOSIS: CLEAN — no caption on speech; nearest is none.

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## REVISION ORDERS

1. **Scene 03, line 71 — cut the speech-act caption.**
   Quote: June — "You left the corner," / narration — "It wasn't a question. He didn't answer it."
   Failure: dialogue diagnosis — narration classifies the form of her utterance (§2/§6, zero tolerance).
   Rewrite direction: delete "It wasn't a question." Carry the beat through Theo's non-response plus a physical tell already available in the scene — his brush stopped "an inch off" the corner, line 67, which establishes the deliberate leave. June's voice card has her state the true thing as flat observation; she does not need the narrator to certify she was not asking. The scene's pressure is his kept mistake, and it is shown by the unstraightened corner. Route to the opposing-model rewriter.

2. **Scene 05, lines 107 and 109 — cut the delivery captions on Priya.**
   Quote: "When she spoke it came out as a question." and "She started it as an instruction and caught it and put it down and picked up the other one."
   Failure: dialogue diagnosis — narration classifies Priya's speech-act and labels her first attempt (§2/§6).
   Rewrite direction: render the control→ask shift with a physical self-catch and the rendered lines only. Priya's card: care becomes control when she does not ask first, and "some conditions have to be asked for." Show her stop arranging chairs / set something down instead of naming the mode; the dialogue already moves from "April, when we look again." to the direct "I want to know what you want… Can you come to April knowing that?" Do not caption the delivery. Route to the opposing-model rewriter.

3. **Scene 04, line 89 — replace the therapy-speak tag.**
   Quote: June — "…it still landed on her as the best thing all year. Both of those are true and I can hold both."
   Failure: voice-card never-says — "I can hold both" is therapy-speak, off June's compressed, visual stress register.
   Rewrite direction: keep the plain "Both of those are true"; cut or recast "I can hold both" in June's dry / craft-noun register (she says the true thing sideways or lands it flat — "I put her name in because she's good. That's all." works without the processing frame). The scene pressure is her steadying her own choice out loud; let the plainness land without the therapized close. Route to the opposing-model rewriter.

4. **Scene 05, line 105 — reshape Ben's retired self-deprecation.**
   Quote: "I checked the walk between our two buildings. Eleven minutes. Which I know is not a—" He stopped himself.
   Failure: calibration banned-move — reprises the "not a personality" shape marked retired / blocked in `tics.md` (Ch05 template "I checked the [X]. [figure]. Which I know is not a…").
   Rewrite direction: keep the plain fear landing intact ("I'm scared it's the wrong call. That's the real thing under the eleven minutes."), but give the walk-time fact a differently-shaped delivery so it does not echo the Ch05 syntax — let the eleven-minutes detail arrive without the self-cancelling "which I know is not a—" tag, or fold it into the fear admission directly. New syntax and stakes, per the calibration standing order. Route to the opposing-model rewriter.

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**OVERALL: BLOCKING (4 findings)** — Scene 03 (dialogue diagnosis), Scene 04 (voice-card never-says), Scene 05 (dialogue diagnosis; calibration banned-move). Scenes 01, 02, 06, 07 all-CLEAN with counter-candidates shown. The two dialogue-diagnosis findings are the same construction (speech-act captioning) surfacing twice — siblings the prior `a beat` / `the math` / `whole of` repairs did not sweep. Plain-speech floor, contraction policy, and interiority presence otherwise hold across the chapter.

Saved to `output/critiques/claude/chapter_23.dialogue_doctor.md`.
