# Claude-Tic Audit - Chapter 11 Raw Draft

## Scope

Target: `output/drafts/claude/chapter_11.round_01.md`

## Verdict

REVISE BEFORE ACCEPTANCE.

## Findings

1. **Aphoristic/thematic dialogue drift**
   - Evidence: `"Labels are for folders," Sam said, "until they're for safety."`
   - Evidence: `"A label is a caption," Ruth said. "People read the caption and stop looking at the picture."`
   - Issue: These lines compress the chapter's thesis into quotable statements. Chapter 11 specifically needs Ruth/Sam pressure without oracle speech.
   - Repair: Replace with concrete consequences from the hospital and HR forms.

2. **Personified atmosphere / elegant room-state**
   - Evidence: `The studio between Tuesdays was a room with its sound turned off.`
   - Evidence: `the cursor patient, the room patient`
   - Issue: Lovely but too Claude-elegant; the chapter needs June's material eye.
   - Repair: Render the empty studio through absent brush noise, nested stools, rack state, and June's action.

3. **Over-balanced explanatory sentence**
   - Evidence: `The line on Dom's form existed so that the right person could act when acting mattered. The trouble was that the same line was legible...`
   - Issue: Useful orientation, but it slides toward theme explanation.
   - Repair: Keep the practical distinction but shorten and ground it.

4. **Em dash density**
   - Raw count: 14 em dashes; gate reports several em dash WATCH patterns.
   - Issue: Most are harmless, but Chapter 11's register should be plainer because Ruth/Sam and lease pressure are already concept-heavy.
   - Repair: Cut or convert the nonessential dash insertions.

5. **Motif overhang from Ch10**
   - Evidence: `hands that knew frames`; `Theo's hands at the bolt`
   - Issue: Ch10 was the sanctioned hands showcase. Ch11 should not renew that motif except as necessary object continuity.
   - Repair: Use `frame help` and `Theo at the third-easel bolt` instead.

## Disposition

Accepted for targeted integration. No finding requires a new Claude draft before Codex synthesis.
