# Dialogue Doctor — Chapter 20: No Advice / Keys Here

id: dialogue_doctor | owner: claude | chapter text: `output/chapters/chapter_20.md`
Manifest coverage: scenes 02 (lines 24–59), 03 (62–93), 04 (96–145) required; scenes 01 and 05 fall below the manifest's 4-line threshold (0 and 1 dialogue lines) and are not audited.
Calibration applied: READING_GUIDE §2/§5/§6/§8 (plain-speech floor, zero-tolerance dialogue diagnosis, no captioned care moves, followability test), voice cards for June/Ruth/Sam/Nia/Asha, style bible Ruth one-sharp-line cap, `output/tics.md` Ch15 row ("Asha delivery caption removed"), Ch20 claude_tic_audit tic-10 deferral ("over-balanced parallel clauses… preserve only if it remains speakable"), Ch20 prompt anti-tics (no therapy-speak, no advice, no brochure terms).

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SCENE 02 (June's apartment, Ruth/Sam box-and-dish visit, lines 25–59):

- 1 VOICE CONVERGENCE: CLEAN — read with attributions covered; Ruth's lines are verbal-exact ("We're double-parked. This is a two-minute visit unless you'd like it to be longer.", 27) while Sam's are object-borne and arrive attached to physical work — lifting a corner, knees, moving the chair six inches ("And a hand truck if you need it.", 53). Strongest counter-candidate: "What's the freight?" (Sam, 31) — "freight" sits closer to Asha's work-network lexicon than Sam's room/space vocabulary, but it survives because Sam is testing the box's weight while saying it and every other Sam line stays in the card's practical-room register.
- 2 MONOTONE Q/A: CLEAN — exchange weights vary: June's long instruction block (33) against Ruth's two-word "All right." (35); Ruth's confession speech (43) against June's broken self-interruption ("The class is--" She stopped., 45). Only one true question in the scene (31). No volley shape exists to converge.
- 3 MISSING INTERIORITY: CLEAN — June's mind stays on: "kept both hands on the box until the cardboard edge pressed a line into her thumb" (33), the glaze-flaw digression on the dish (37), "June watched her read it and watched her decline to read it out loud" (41), exit through consequence ("she could see the whole floor by the door for the first time in a week", 57). The loaded short line "We have a car." (51) is not followed by dark silence — June's "Noted… thank you. For the box." (55) shows what she does with it (cut-list bullet 7 satisfied).
- 4 QUESTIONS-AS-STATEMENTS: CLEAN — checked every interrogative; "What's the freight?" is a genuine information question and gets a literal answer. Strongest counter-candidate: Ruth's "…unless you'd like it to be longer" (27) — an offer folded into a statement, but it is followable as an offer and June answers it as one.
- 5 FAKE-McCARTHY MINIMALISM: CLEAN — the clipped close ("We have a car." / "And a hand truck if you need it." / "Noted.", 51–55) is stripped, but the starkness is the scene's contract: Ruth and Sam are performing the restraint the chapter card requires (care without advice), and the narration frames what the restraint holds back (41, 43). Earned, not performed.
- 6 JARGON-TRADING: CLEAN — no world-terms; "freight" is translated in the next line ("Catalogs. Eight.", 33).
- 7 ATTRIBUTION OPACITY: CLEAN — three speakers, every line tagged or anchored to an action (Sam at the door, Ruth at the kitchen edge); a covered-tag read-through loses no line.
- FAKE-SHARP: CLEAN — ran the cut-list on all fifteen lines. Strongest counter-candidate: "This fall I noticed things. I kept them to myself and called it manners." … "Some of it was. Some of it was easier for me." (Ruth, 43) — "called it manners" is Ruth's one editorial-sharp construction this appearance (cap 1/1 per style bible), and the follow-through survives rule 8 because "Some of it was. Some of it was easier for me." is a halting self-correction — friction, not polish — and it stops short of instruction. Second candidate: "The box is the errand. The dish is separate." (June, 37) — compact, but June herself falsifies it two sentences later ("Actually, no."), which is her card's self-interruption, not a stamp.
- INTERIORITY-OVERCORRECTION: CLEAN — tested rule 9 both directions: mind present (see mode 3) and never double-explaining — the narration never restates what Ruth's confession means; it gives June's evasive eye-line ("looked at the receipt so she wouldn't look at Ruth", 45) and lets the lines carry their own content.
- DIALOGUE-DIAGNOSIS (guide §2/§6, zero tolerance): CLEAN — two near-misses examined and passed: "watched her decline to read it out loud" (41) characterizes Ruth's reading of objects squared up on a table, not anyone's language; "It came out before she'd decided to say it" (49) narrates the volition of June's own blurt — an event, not a rating of a sentence's care, rhythm, or delivery.
- CH20 SPECIAL (care without advice): CLEAN — Ruth and Sam never name an option or a preference; their offers are all declaratives ("We have a car."), and Ruth's cost-of-silence beat lands as self-accounting ("Some of it was easier for me."), not counsel. No therapy-speak, no lecture from Sam.

REVISION ORDERS: none.

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SCENE 03 (Asha's callback, 4:05, lines 63–93):

- 1 VOICE CONVERGENCE: CLEAN — June and Asha both trade money terms, but with attributions covered they separate: Asha's lines carry site noise, jokes, and warnings ("the north window's honest light and the radiator is decorative. Wear the coat inside until February.", 85); June's carry notebook structure ("Two things. First one's a question and it's yours to say no to.", 67). Strongest counter-candidate: Asha's doubled verdict formula — "Ninety days to benefits is real" (73) / "Forty-nine five and written access is real" (77) — the same construction twice in three exchanges; it survives as one speaker's own tic under deadline (card: "gets practical and unsentimental"), but it must not spread to other mouths (see scene 04, mode 1).
- 2 MONOTONE Q/A: CLEAN — masses vary from Asha's one-line gate-noise opener ("Talk fast, I'm holding a door with my whole body.", 65) to her ten-clause logistics block (85); June's replies run from a full terms recital (67) to a bare number ("$2,643 and whatever paid crating I can get in December.", 87). No volley rhythm.
- 3 MISSING INTERIORITY: CLEAN — thinner than scene 02 but present at the beat that needs it: after Asha's warning, "June looked at the left page of the notebook, at GOOD in her own handwriting" (79), and the scene exits through her filling the right page (93). Strongest counter-candidate: June's mind goes quiet through the line-85 logistics block — survives because the block is information June is transcribing, the transcription is shown at 93, and interposed reaction would explain the numbers twice (rule 9, second direction).
- 4 QUESTIONS-AS-STATEMENTS: CLEAN — "Why aren't you taking it? That's not me being polite." (73) is genuine and June declines it on the record ("That's tomorrow's phone call.", 75) — deflection visible as deflection per §2. "Who writes that?" (73) is self-answered in the next clause ("Nia Torres, apparently.") — spoken thought, not manufactured portent.
- 5 FAKE-McCARTHY MINIMALISM: CLEAN — attributions and action beats present throughout; clipped lines ("Okay. Second thing?", 81) are functional phone turn-taking under the guide's ordinary-talk allowance.
- 6 JARGON-TRADING: CLEAN — every term is translated in earshot: "net-45, you'll see money in March" (85); "After-hours access, in writing, in the offer letter." (71); the W-9 is tied to a date and "a body on January 4, eight a.m." Counter-candidate: "Corners like a surgeon." (73) — install-slang compliment with no gloss, carried by the surrounding clause ("I've seen her hang at the co-op. She's serious.").
- 7 ATTRIBUTION OPACITY: CLEAN — two speakers, tags plus freight-noise anchoring; no drift.
- FAKE-SHARP: CLEAN — cut-list run on the full exchange. Strongest counter-candidates: "Not a favor. A clause." (June, 71) — fragment stamp, but it answers Asha's literal request ("Say the studio clause again.") and the distinction is the information; "Send my name because I'm qualified. If you're trying to feel less bad, don't." (Asha, 77) — sharp but speakable, in-card (practical warnings without dressing them up), and it is the chapter-card-sanctioned warning, not a zinger arriving where the speaker should be ordinary or tired.
- INTERIORITY-OVERCORRECTION: CLEAN — the one reaction beat (GOOD, 79) reacts to the exchange rather than re-explaining it; see mode 3 for the pass in the other direction.
- DIALOGUE-DIAGNOSIS (guide §2/§6, zero tolerance): FAIL — "Okay." Asha was back in load-in mode. (narration, 85, June's apartment / phone call) — narration captioning a speaker's register so the reader is told how to hear the block that follows. This is the banned move exactly ("perceptiveness is shown by what a character does with what they heard, never by captioning the conversation"), and it is a recurrence of a pattern already repaired once: `output/tics.md` Ch15 logs "Asha delivery caption removed" under executed Plain Translation orders. Zero tolerance: one instance is a defect.
- CH20 SPECIAL (Asha distinct; no inspirational art talk): CLEAN on the spoken lines — Asha's register stays work-network blunt and material throughout ("Philly rent means I can have nights" is rent math, not a dream); the scene's one defect is narration about her speech, not her speech.

REVISION ORDERS:
1. Line 85 — cut the caption "Asha was back in load-in mode." (DIALOGUE-DIAGNOSIS, guide §2/§6 zero tolerance; repeat of the Ch15-repaired Asha delivery caption). Replace with a physical/audio beat from her end of the call — the dock she is standing on: the gate already down, a second off-phone shout, dolly wheels — or with nothing at all; the block that follows ("Dana: first month plus one month deposit, $980 all in…") identifies its own register without help. Do not compensate with a June-side caption; if a bridge is needed it should be June's pen or notebook per her card's physical tells, not a description of Asha's manner.

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SCENE 04 (the Nia call, Friday 10:40, lines 97–145; dialogue from 107):

- 1 VOICE CONVERGENCE: CLEAN — with tags covered, Nia and June stay separable: Nia's lines are managerial and deadline-bearing ("Have her email me today, subject line Tasker, because I'm in Pittsburgh all next week and I have a program to keep open.", 139); June's are notebook-anchored and self-implicating ("I'd still be the person with keys.", 121). Strongest counter-candidates: June's "She hangs at the co-op" (137) verbatim-echoes Asha's "I've seen her hang at the co-op" (73, prior scene), and June's "she wants it for real reasons" (137) borrows Asha's "is real" verdict formula — both survive as trade shorthand about a shared venue, but the rewriter executing order 2 must vary the co-op phrase while inside that speech.
- 2 MONOTONE Q/A: CLEAN — tested the call's repeated shape (Nia short prompt — "But." (115), "That doesn't have to happen." (123), "That's a worse offer." (131) — June longer answer) as possible monotone; it survives because the prompts differ in function (prompt, counter-evidence, objection, request for terms, verdict), June's masses run from two words ("You do.", 113) to the full refusal (121), and the shape enacts the negotiation's actual roles (rule 7: an argument being walked, not a composed volley of matched weights).
- 3 MISSING INTERIORITY: CLEAN — June's hand is on the objects at every turn: finger on the crossed-out line (117), touching the TASKER page (121), turning the receipt print-side up mid-sentence (133), and the post-call landing ("If February went badly, it would go badly in her own handwriting.", 145). Orientation without narration re-explaining the lines.
- 4 QUESTIONS-AS-STATEMENTS: CLEAN — nearest candidate: "You know what I'm going to ask next." (Nia, 135), a statement standing in for a question; survives because it is brisk shorthand between two people who both remember her Ch15 line ("If you say no, send me someone good"), June answers it as the question it is, and the content is procedural, not portentous.
- 5 FAKE-McCARTHY MINIMALISM: CLEAN — "Torres." (107) and "But." (115) are clipped but literal phone behavior from a deadline-driven card; attributions never strip out; office noise, a printer, and keyboard clicks keep the scene furnished.
- 6 JARGON-TRADING: CLEAN — the brochure check: every term arrives with its consequence attached and stays speakable: "Thirty-two an hour for three weeks in January, invoiced the 25th, paid in March." (129) translates net-45 without naming it; "the Vandercook" is glossed in apposition ("The proof press in the back room.", 117); "February is a blank line in my notebook." (129) converts the budget gap into an object June is literally reading off the page. A cold reader can weigh the whole counter-offer from the dialogue alone (§8 followability test passes).
- 7 ATTRIBUTION OPACITY: CLEAN — two speakers, consistent tagging, distinct registers; even the hang-up order is specified ("Then she hung up first.", 143).
- FAKE-SHARP: FAIL — "The proof press in the back room. Trueing the bed. Keeping the room usable. Making the program run." (June, 117) / "I'd hang the shows well. I'd fix what broke. I'd say I was painting after hours, and then there'd be a deadline, a sink issue, a class roster. I'd still be the person with keys." (June, 121) / "She hangs at the co-op, she runs a crew without raising her voice, she reads a floor plan faster than I do, and she wants it for real reasons, the terms, the city, painting at night. Not as a favor to me." (June, 137) (June to Nia, phone call) — not any single line but a repeated workshopped architecture: a parallel-clause run closed by a fragment stamp, three times in one scene, plus a fourth balanced pair at 125 ("The job would have hours and people waiting. The painting would get whatever was left."), with the 137 stamp duplicating the previous scene's stamp ("Not a favor. A clause.", 71). Each instance alone is speakable; the aggregate is the cut-list's "every speaker has the same dry correction rhythm" worn by one speaker, and it is precisely what the Ch20 claude_tic_audit deferred to this audit (tic 10: "preserve only if it remains speakable"). Rule 8: by the third ladder the refusal reads composed. The 121 refusal itself is the earning case — June rehearsed the test on-page that morning (101) and the mid-list clutter ("a deadline, a sink issue, a class roster") is its friction — so the defect is the template's repetition, not the refusal.
- INTERIORITY-OVERCORRECTION: CLEAN — both directions: mind present (mode 3), and no double-explanation — after "That's a worse offer." the narration does not tell us it stung; June's "It is." (133) carries the cost.
- DIALOGUE-DIAGNOSIS (guide §2/§6, zero tolerance): CLEAN — checked all narration around speech: "There was a short pause with office noise in it, a printer somewhere doing its printer thing." (111) furnishes the pause without characterizing anyone's delivery; "Keys clicked at her end." (139) is action. No captioning.
- CH20 SPECIAL (refusal plain/speakable; no "follow your heart"; Nia not a strawman; terms followable): the refusal's content passes the plain-speech floor — "I'm calling to say no." (109) opens the call and "The no is mine. It isn't about the program." (133) closes it; Nia never romanticizes or advises, and she wins the math on the record ("That's a worse offer.") so the no costs something. The one defect is the template polish ruled at FAKE-SHARP.

REVISION ORDERS:
2. Lines 117 / 121 / 125 / 137 — break the repeated [parallel run → fragment stamp] speech template (FAKE-SHARP; cut-list "same dry correction rhythm" concentrated in one speaker; rule 8). Keep 121 substantially as is: the on-page morning rehearsal (101) earns one prepared ladder and the sink-issue clutter is its friction. Rewrite 137 so the Asha recommendation does not reuse the architecture: per June's card (compact, one clean observation plus deflecting tag; compresses when exposed), replace the three-clause resume with one or two irregular sentences — a single concrete observed fact about Asha's work plus a plain statement of her reasons — and cut or vary the stamp "Not as a favor to me.", which duplicates scene 03's "Not a favor. A clause." (71); one favor-stamp per chapter, and scene 03 owns it because Asha asked for the clause verbatim. While inside that speech, vary "She hangs at the co-op" (verbatim echo of Asha at 73; mode 1 counter-candidate). At 117, de-ladder by one clause or fold a gerund into the Vandercook sentence so the fragments read as a person reaching for it, not a list read out. Leave 125's balanced pair only if 117 and 137 lose theirs — two balanced constructions in one call is June; four is a template.

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OVERALL: BLOCKING (2 findings).

Routing note: per the audit contract, both orders are resolved by opposing-model rewrite; self-repair by the drafting lane is not an accepted resolution. Order 1 is a one-sentence cut with a literal replacement; order 2 touches only June's lines 117/125/137 and must leave the refusal at 121 and all Nia lines intact.
